Deep Thoughts 4 a Man!

Update

2007-04-05T10:00:00.000-04:00

I know not a very exciting title. What can you do, im not in a very creative mood today.
I have not blogged in a long time, not much to say, not much happening in my life as of late.

Other then my job. I am in a very good place in my life. Wife is doing well, she is not looking forward to going back to work. And trust me if we could I would let her stay home. I would in fact love for her to stay home. But alas $$ will not allow for it.

Baby girl. Well what can I say, I could not be happier. She is truly the apple of my eye.

She is in the final stages of learning to walk. She takes many steps, but still reverts to crawling. She seems to think that it is quicker.
And smart as a whip. (My God I sound like Wife’s grandmother).

She is talking up a storm. At 11 months she is putting more than one word together. According to the wife. She should ne be putting more than one word together for a little while yet. We to date have
Good Girl,
Hi
Hi, D (D Being our dog)
It also sounds like she says I love you. But I think that’s just me being a proud father putting words into her mouth.

Speaking of mouth. She finally has more than two teeth. She finally cut a third on the bottom and one on the top is going to break through at any minute.

Her ASL is coming along better than I ever anticipated. When wife suggested that we teach her ASL, I was skeptical. How is an infant going to communicate with signs. Well I’ll be damned. She can.

We are not having full on conversations, but she can tell us what she needs.
She can ask for More, bottle (Well Milk Actually. Which she using for anytime she wants a drink) Down, Daddy, mommy.

You know what. It is the best thing that we have ever done, she now can get across what she wants without have to whine or bitch because we are unable to understand her.
Well that’s really all for now.. Its Easter weekend. So have a good one everybody…

Letter To My wife

2006-11-03T09:17:00.000-05:00

Dear wife,

I know that sometimes it does not appear that I understand how hard you work.

I know it appears that I do not notice when you do your hair or makeup.

I know that you work so hard maintain our home and take care of our beautiful baby.

I do appreciate all that you do.

I do love you with all my heart.

But here is the deal.

If you don’t like it… tough shit… I don’t care. If you think that you could do better somewhere else… have at it… Here are some pictures to remind you that… well … it could be worse.

I do love you.

Here are some PC baby Pictures

2006-06-27T12:11:00.000-04:00

I know that it has been a long time... So here are some pictures of my baby.. All PC of course.

What is this world coming to.. I guess I don't want some perv touching himself after looking at pictures of my little girl!!!

Hope that this little blog keeps some of my friends happy for a couple more weeks

In addition... Its my Attempt to be funny.

PS... Don't be jealous cuz my baby is so cute.

This Leads To.....

2006-02-16T11:40:00.000-05:00

What was once this…

BECOMES THIS ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

puppies

2006-02-16T11:37:00.000-05:00

A special Post just For Aimee

2006-02-14T10:19:00.000-05:00

So I have been Bashed because of my lack of blogs. Well apparently a young woman that I have known for more then half her life, thinks that because she has 3 jobs, and goes to school, and is applying to grad school has time to blog, (WHAAA) that I should be bloging more frequently.

When you join the real world (And let me know how that goes for you) you will come to realise that the sheer amount of material that you are presented on a regular basis would keep your blog filled twice over. But alas, I do not wish to be deuced! There fore I am only able to blog about things that happen in my personal life. Trust me… when you start working in a world that pretty much amounts to a large game of king of the castle with a dash of a popularity contest thrown in to keep things interesting, you will have to learn to draw the line, that you will not cross.
I have a dirty little Spaniard that thinks he is my boss, a brown guy that is afraid of loosing his job, a woman that would stab you in the back at the first chance, and 4 Russians that the only English that they know well is “Yes Sir”. Trust me I could blog for days

So little Miss Thang… (Insert Z Snap here) Good luck with grad school, good luck with your new baby, and please keep posting… cuz I miss being in school!

Dropping the Step Kids off at the pool

2006-02-03T10:12:00.000-05:00

Okay… so today, thanks to Dad Gone Mad, I have the courage to shit at work. But I went into the stall, and clearly the person before me had some issues.
But my question is…HOW THE HELL TO YOU GET SHIT ON THE SEAT!!!!

I have had days where I have covered the bottom of the seat. A night of heavy draft drinking and super hot chicken wings… But the top… that was just gross. Almost lost my breakfast.
Are you sitting backwards from the top of the toilet? IF you are… maybe you should rethink shitting at work… come on now… I know that the building that I work in has cleaning staff that do great work. But they should not have to walk into that situation.

Thank god for college… cuz if I was cleaning that… I would quit before I even touch that!!!

Nasty

So I'm a Grandfather!

2006-01-17T09:30:00.000-05:00

So it happened yesterday… My baby had babies. 7 of them… all black.. 4 boys and 3 girls.. No wonder she was uncomfortable.
7 puppies. Each weighed 450-500 grams. (Or about 1lb each) That’s more the 10% of dancers weight!... my god..

How exciting… I got the call at about 430 yesterday evening. Yup I'm a grandfather… how cool is that… 7 more puppies that could potentially go to somebody that is blind, or has mobility issues.. What a good dog…

Now we have to wait to see her until her puppies are 4 weeks old. Which is feb 13th… which is a Monday.. but maybe they will let us come and see her on the 12th… which is Sunday… I will have to call and ask!...

So happy for her… All her puppies made it. Which is rare and great at the same time…

Well here is to a happy mom…
Will keep you posted.

Sorry. What more can i say

2006-01-12T12:01:00.000-05:00

I have not blogged in a long while… and it was my intent to keep the little contest going until somebody guessed the correct answer… well.. I let that slack a little too much… so the answer is… Lunette the clown from the Big Comfy Couch. That’s right.. that hottie plays a kids clown… Let me tell you… when she says it time to stretch… I get a little tingle in my pants… especially at 9:15… those who have seen the show… will know what I am talking about. For those of you that don’t… well your loss.

So what can I tell you… nothing has been going on in my life right now… I am in a very good place… not to much to bitch about… Nothing getting me worked up… I'm just in a good place…

Today is gonna suck a little bit… First off. Well My puppy has to go away for 8 weeks. She is very preggers. (All my bitches is pregnant, however I am only one babies daddy). I was hoping to take her this weekend. But they need her tonight. They have to monitor her. And assist with the delivery. So… off we go to Cambridge tonight. Its gonna suck… I miss her already… and we will not be able to go and visit her until her puppies are 4 weeks old. They are afraid that she will want to come home so badly that she will neglect the pups. Rules is Rules. What can you do. The only good thing is that after her pups are four weeks old.. we could go and visit her every day if we wanted. I will be looking forward to that.

Well what’s going on with me… My new-year resolutions is to quite smoking… well needless to say… that is not going as well as I hoped. I have cut down a lot. I am down from about a pack+ a day to about 9-11 a day… depending on the day… Today… well not so good.

The wife… well she is doing well… she has started her 28th week of pregnancy today. 12 weeks to go… damn… it has happened so quickly yet is taking forever at the same time. Jr. well he is being as stubborn as ever… Ultra sound # 4.. and still no dingle berries in sight. Or fanny for that matter…Just like His/Her mother!!! JACKASS.

Like I said… I'm in a good place… other then work… but I think that is everybody’s bitch.. I am just great full that I have a job… and live only 5-km from the office.

Well here is to posting more this year… here is to good news for everybody…

PS… I just turned 32… today… I think that I am going for a smoke!
Fuck!
C-ya!

Who is the celeb…

2005-12-14T11:31:00.000-05:00

Okay I know that I have not blogged in a while… but.. .been busy… get off my back!!!

Lets play a little game. I will give hits starting tomorrow. Until somebody gets it.

I think that you might be surprised as to who this person is.

Okay I will give you one hint. She was born in Toronto, Ontario in 1973. Good luck.
And Thumper. No cheating!

Okay... December 16. Clue # 1

She spends a lot of time sitting and talking to dust bunnies!
Good Luck!

Tis the season….really. I don’t think so.

2005-12-07T09:27:00.000-05:00

So it has come out that I do not like Christmas. That’s right I down right despise Christmas. Why… I really don’t know why. I am catholic, I have never been deprived of anything. Never wanted for anything growing up as a child. Sure.. I never got a car for my 16th birthday. But did not have a rough childhood by any stretch.

So why the dislike of what should be the happiest time of the year.

I am not really sure.

Lets look at it.
First. Being Christian I am truly disappointed in what Christmas has become. When did it become about how many gifts are under the tree. The true meaning of Christmas has been lost somewhere along the way. Last time I checked it was supposed to celebrate the birth of the Christian saviour. I know what some of you are thinking. This guy has written anti religious blogs.. where does he get off bitching about the true meaning of Christmas. Well first off. I have a thing against organised religion, I do however have the right to be spiritual in my own way. ( I am not going to continue on this tangent, it will result in a 15 page blog about why I don’t agree with organized religion) I prefer to be agnostic. (An agnostic does not deny the existence of God and heaven but holds that one cannot know for certain whether or not they exist). Sure I believe in a higher power, but to say that it is God, Ala, or Buddha, well I'm not going to commit. I will let you know when I get there. So that’s bitch #1

#2
When did we have to worry about offending others with religion? Again back to #1, this is a Christian holiday that celebrates that birth of our savour. So. Why do we have to call it a holiday party, or say happy holidays. Come on now. You know why this has happened right under our noses. Because we let it happen. People that make the most noise get heard. So the bitching started, we missed it. But the people that make the rules heard it. And now I wish you happy holidays. Not Marry Christmas. That really bothers me.

3#
Christmas is such a let down. The day after Halloween, November 1st for my slower readers, the Christmas shit comes out… and it is nothing but spend, spend, spend for the next 2 months. Then the day comes. You open some gifts, eat some turkey and then its over and back to work!...

#4
This one is not so much Christmas, but came to me. This is a Christian continent, North America. I might even go out on a limb and say north and south America probably have more Christians then heaven itself. So Easter rolls around. And we get another day off to celebrate the death and resurrection of our savour. Its like a giant wake. But personally I think that I need more time to grieve then 1 day. Hell I get a day off for the birth of my country. The least they could do is give me a couple of days to morn the loss of my savour.

Well that’s enough about why I dislike Christmas. And one random thought about days off.

People tell me that it will get better once I have kids. And get to see the joy that they experience at Christmas time. Well only time will tell. When I do have children I am going to do my best that they grow up enjoying Christmas, but that they also remember the true meaning of the day.

Cheers and Happy holidays. (I really mean Merry Christmas I just don’t want to piss anybody off.. cuz that would be wrong, considering that this is a Christian holiday celebrating the birth of our savour.)

Damn You

2005-11-24T09:24:00.000-05:00

So we went for our Ultra Sound yesterday… Baby is good..
But the little shit would not cooperate.

O sure we got some good pictures of Jr. But nothing that would allow us to determine any sort of gender.

The little person inside my wife, well he almost sat up and waved… but do you think that he would show us its genitals. No…

Look mom, here is my head… and my hands… and look I can even suck my thumb… But keep that wand above my waist. Okay… okay you want to look lower… here is my Knee… and my toes… Nice try mom… no peeking!!!

There is one picture that we got that is completely amazing. The shot of the face… man… it’s a person in there!!! And when he was sucking his thumb. That was cool..

So now we have some names…

For a girl.. Taylor… That one is still up for debate… I like the name… but as of late… well whenever there is a trouble maker in the mall or else ware.. What do you hear but “Taylor Stop that” Taylor… Taylor… so the wife is thinking about changing the name…

For a boy… since the day my wife and I met. Jack has been the choice… Such a strong name… I also like Kelly for a boy… Kinda guarantees that he will be strong… you have to with a name like Kelly…

Other options that I have been thinking of… that well my wife has pretty much shot down…

Burden
Yoke
Money Sucker
Penniless
Sex-b-gone

Well My wife better hope that she is awake when we fill out the birth certificate.

Cuz other wise… the kids name will be “Grounds for divorce”

Happy Thanksgiving to my America friends.. Have fun on Black Friday..

Cheers

Half Way There!

2005-11-23T10:56:00.000-05:00

Over the last four weeks, your baby has grown an incredible amount, and has just about quadrupled his weight. He's big enough that you should be feeling "fluttering" or "quickening" quite regularly now. In fact, from his movements you may be able to tell if your baby is awake or asleep. Your baby is anywhere from 15 - 18 cm or 6.5 inches long and weighs 285-300 grams or 10-11 ounces.
Your baby has started to practice breathing motions, even though his lungs are not yet mature enough to breathe enough air to allow him to survive outside your body. Lanugos (the fine hair) covers your baby's whole body, and hair on the scalp is beginning to grow. Your baby's ears are fully functional now and he enjoys the sound of uterine noise. All the organs and structures of your baby are formed and your baby is now entering a period of simple growth. And you may be getting ready to be a grandma already: If your baby is a girl, her uterus is beginning to develop!

So today officially marks 20 weeks…
Now what…
Well today we have an Ultra Sound, to confirm the fetal age, and if Jr cooperates we will find out if it is Junior or June. I know… I know.. a lot of you have said to us, why would you want to find out what it is, well I felt like most of you at first, until the old lady took me shopping and said… go find something that is Uni-sex. Well guess what… there is no such thing anymore. Even white jumpers or sleepers have little blue bunnies or pink duckies…
So… we are going to find out… that is of course.. if it cooperates.

More good news… I got my dog back yesterday.. I'm soo happy.

Thought for the day!!

I'm gonna be somebody’s dad… that’s fuck UP!

I want my Puppy Back!!

2005-11-17T10:18:00.000-05:00

I need money… anybody got some to lend.
This story starts about a year ago… My barren wife, and my lazy sperm caused us to say to each other, lets do something for the community with all our free time.

Well not two days later did we have a meeting with the Lions foundation, looking into fostering a potential guide dog.
Well after much discussion with the foundation, we discovered that with both of us working and me leaving for far off places on a moments notice, there is no way that we could meet the guidelines set out by the puppy program. Well we where sad. Then something good happened. Well we got a call, “We are starting a new program. We have been relying on the kindness of strangers for donations of both animals and funds. So we decided that we are going to start breeding our own dogs. We happen to have a bitch that needs a home, she will be a breeding bitch, no training, just have to take her in once or twice a year to get her bread.”
Uh??? Dog that we don’t have to train, other then common house and people manors. Good deal, we are helping the community, we are helping ourselves, and it’s a great cause. Wife and I both know people that require the assistance of helper dogs, whether it be for seeing or hearing or mobility, so we said sure. And two days latter we had Dancer in our lives…

So we for the last year have been living our merry lives. Just the 3 of us. And the two cats of course. But then it happened. Dancer came into heat. (Which has happened twice before, and if you have read some of my other blogs… looks like a turf war happened in my house) But this time is different. They are going to bread her this time. No problem, gets the dog out of the house for the worst time of her cycle. Trouble being, I left the province on the 6th of November, wife had to drop her off on the 9th, and she is still not home yet.
I finally talked to the Lions foundation today, and I was told that she finally accepted the male properly for the first time on Tuesday the 15th. Which means that they will now keep her and hump her till she says enough is enough, which probably will not happen until this weekend, which means that she will be coming home early next week.

I have not seen my dog for 2 weeks, the house is so empty, and I miss her. Now remember that it has only been for two weeks, but when she is due to give birth they take her for 7 weeks. I don’t know how I am going to handle this. 7 weeks without my puppy. It sucks. Keep telling yourself “Its for a good cause, you are helping the community” breath “Its for a good cause, you are helping the community” breath “Its for a good cause, you are helping the community”

Now why do I need the money… well I have decided that if we had two grand lying around… I would give the foundation the two grand, let them buy two dogs with it.. and bring Dancer home for good.

“Its for a good cause, you are helping the community”
Signed
Lonely at home

Okay Okay... i am lazy

2005-11-15T08:58:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posts. There has been allot going on in my life... I have been away pretty much 2 out of the last 3 weeks... so i have been playing catch up for the last little while... I finally last night got a chance to read the blogs that i frequent on regular biases... My pal Kim. Had an interesting chat with God while i was away... Linda's husband has tracked down his mom and is excited about it. Colleen... (You can find her through Linda’s blog page) well she is having some rough times... but i wish her the best... and will see her tonight... So back to me... As you all know the old Lady is finally knocked up and due in April. Till then i will live vicariously through my niece. So my niece could not decide to be a fairy or a bee for Halloween... final choice was the bee.... She is so cute...

Now for the next bit of news... My Niece will be 3 in a couple of weeks... and has finally figured out the potty thing...
Now why you ask would I take a picture of the back of her head in the bathroom…

Well its is more about what she is doing… look closely do you have any idea what she is doing…

Well let me start the story by saying that when she is not in school, her grandmother is her caregiver and has been instrumental in her potty training… I am sure that her dad is super happy about that.

However… the kid is to Fucken smart… Most of her time spent with her grandmother is spent out and about… running errands and the like… So when she has to go potty she has to go potty… But when it a public place, what do you do… Well…

You build yourself a nest to sit on… That’s right a nest…
So my three year old niece will not use the potty until she builds herself a nest….

Good Job Grandma…
You have created a 3 year old with the narcoses of a 50 year old. Well done!!

PS… I bought a Camera

Best Picture Ever

2005-10-29T10:33:00.000-04:00

This is our Dog

A Little About Me

2005-10-26T16:42:00.001-04:00

Your date of conception was on or about 21 April 1973.
You were born on a Saturday under the astrological sign Capricorn.
Your Life path number is 7.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2442059.5.
The golden number for 1974 is 18.
The epact number for 1974 is 6.
The year 1974 was not a leap year.
As of 10/26/2005 4:34:28 PM CDTYou are 31 years old.
You are 381 months old.
You are 1,659 weeks old.
You are 11,610 days old.
You are 278,656 hours old.
You are 16,719,394 minutes old.
You are 1,003,163,668 seconds old.
There are 78 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 32 candles
Those 32 candles produce 32 BTUs,or 8,064 calories of heat (that's only 8.0640 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.66 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1974 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1974 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1974 in the US there were approximately 2,158,802 marriages (10.6%) and 708,000 divorces (3.5%)
In 1974 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)

Your birthstone is Garnet
The Mystical properties of Garnet
Garnet is used as a power stoneSome lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Emerald, Rose Quartz

Your birth tree is
Elm Tree, the noble-mindedness
Pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, tends to a know-all-attitude and making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humour, practical.
There are 60 days till Christmas 2005!
The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waning gibbous.

Time for a change of pace. In life that is.

2005-10-19T11:44:00.000-04:00

If you came to my site via humbling moments, no doubt you have read her Butterfly story.
Well here is my take.

Generally I tend to be on the conservative side when it comes to taking risks when it comes to money issues. Don’t get me wrong I love to spend money, had had to learn the hard way that money in fact does not grow on trees. That said. I will see an empty store, or building and say to myself that “That would be a great place for X” and sure enough not 6 months later, business X has opened and flourishing. And the inevitable happens. The pity kicks in, and the remorse for not getting off my fat ass and doing something about it. That could have been my business. Well not anymore!

In the past HM and I have approached the current owner of the business that we are contemplating purchasing. Nothing came of it, we went in with feelers expecting more information then BS was willing to give us. Lessoned learned. This time is going to be different. We are going to prepare a business plan, review financial statements, sign a NDA, and make her an offer that we can live with and one that she cant refuse.

For the first time in my life I feel passionate about something (Social worker on the edge and Jr, not included). I want to do this, I want this. I want to make a run at it. Sure it will be hard work, sure I will have to keep my current job, and work on this at night and on weekends. But you know what… It will be worth it! I really want it. I think the HM will be the perfect partner. She is smart, intelligent (And yes they are different things) and grounded. (And her love of work is even better cuz, as all your readers know.. I'm lazy ;-) )
My ability to think up wacky ideas about expansion and improvement will be coupled with her ability to look at things logically and tell me that it is a good idea or that I am a complete ass. Even last night we where out… came up with 15 good ideas between the two of us…

Truly the only thing stopping us is BS. Will she accept our offer. HM and I are in no financial position to offer BS a cash offer. I do not have the capital in my house, and there is no way in hell that I am going to let HM re-mortgage her house for a partnership. So we will have to be very creative in our offer, and make sure that she cannot refuse.

HM and I both know that BS is getting up in years. Gotta be 30 Years my senior. And stopped caring about the business a while ago. The business runs itself, seems to be self perpetuating, so with two people that care, and want to grow and be successful, with the respect of their peers.. we should be able to make a solid go of this.!!!

Straying away from what is comfortable (Steady job) is scary. But you know what. If you don’t take the chance you will never know if you have the ability to soar. And you know what… I am tired of not taking the chance.

Wish us luck. Will keep you posted… and think good thoughts.

Thanks to everybody

2005-10-13T09:13:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to post really quickly.

I am out of town have limited time..

Just wanted to say thanks to all for the wonderful words of encouragement.

Cheers.
have a great weekend.

Time for a change of Format.

2005-10-07T15:06:00.000-04:00

First off… Lets start off with the news.
After 18 months and much frustration.

I am finally able to tell you all that Social worker on the edge and I are expecting in April.

Many of you may have noticed that Social Worker on the Edge and I have not been attending too many social events as of late, and if we do, well we don’t stay late.

Well Up to this point JR (We don’t know what it is yet. But I call it JR.) Has been sucking the life out of social worker on the edge. That coupled with the addition of fertility hormones have been really wreaking havoc on social worker on the edge

So, Tuesday, we went to the Dr, JR is doing fine, the fertility hormones can be stopped and hopefully social worker on the edge will start to feel better and each day passes.

So Officially we are 13 weeks along as of Wednesday

Wish us luck,

That great news… you would think..
But now..
I don’t know if I am coming or going.

I have all these feeling of complete inadequacy. Why I don’t know… I have wanted nothing more for the longest time but to be a father… and now that it is happing… I am freaking right out…
I am being pulled in 30 directions at once. Being an only child makes my life a living hell.
I know that my mother is happy and wants nothing more but to share her joy with me.. But I want nothing to do with it. I don’t want to talk about my feelings, I am a man. We internalise everything. I don’t know how I feel.. I am happy, I am worried, I don’t know what to feel. I know that I am not the first person to become a father… I would not be writing this otherwise… but my god… panic. How am I going to pay for this kids school. What if I loose my job. What if the mortgage rates go through the roof… what if.. what if…

When do I get to enjoy this… I thought that it was supposed to be fun?
Fun.. I have never been so stressed in my life.
You have to sign up for this class… You have to paint the room.,.. you have to have us over for dinner… you have to … you have to.. AHHHH… I don’t have to do fuck all.
Come on people…
Just give me 5 min to absorb this shit.

I have buddies (Rental Car Guy, Bald First Baseman, and Mechanic man) They are about my age. Rental Car Guy.. his wife is also due in April. His 3rd. BFB on his second, and MM has two as well. How the hell do they do it… I don’t know how I am going to do 1.

You know what… its not the Raising of the kid that I am worried about. Its how am I going to be able to support social worker on the edge and JR. If this kid is anything like me… This fuck head is gonna cost me 100k for school. I think that the best bet is to buy a Toy McDonalds set. Start training him to say… “You want fries with that” It’s the only way that I am gonna get out of this life with no debt. With my luck JR's gonna wanna be a Dr.
If JR does. I'm okay with this.. but he better be the type of Dr that can get me some good dope… cuz I'm gonna need it. Fuck I need it now.

There is a song… it’s a couple of years old. Serenity – By GodSmack The song itself is about the Drummer from RUSH(Neil Perth). He lost his wife and kid about 12 months apart. The song is how he deals with it. But the chorus is exactly how I feel right now.

i need serenity
In a place where I can hide
I need serenity
Nothing changes, days go by
Where do we go when we just don't know
And how do we relight the flame when it's cold
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control

Don’t worry, I'm not suicidal, that’s the last thing in my head.. I got a kid coming. I’ll be damned if this kid grows up without a father, even if it is me. Its still a dad ;)

I had a long talk with humbling moments yesterday. She is a great friend. And I admire her like you don’t know. This woman raised 3 beautiful, smart, and strong girls, 90% of the time, on her own. She made me feel better. But today… she is busy at work, and cant really talk. So I sit here and wallow in my own self pity. GHOD I am a looser.

That said… I also worry about making sure that my kid gets a fair shot in life. I don’t want to be the dad that forces my kid to play football, just because I did. Which reminds me about anther song, that I happen o love.. and cant stop listing to it.

Barenaked Ladies. What a Good Boy.
The song is about a kid that wants to change his life, but cant because from the beginning his life was so laid out for him, that he does not know how to change anything.
The point being that I don’t want to be that kind of parent.

When I was born they looked at me and said
What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy
And when you were born they looked at you and said
What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl

We've got these chains that hang around our necks
People want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same
When temptation calls we just look away

Chorus

This name is the hairshirt I wear
And this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair
This song is the cross that I bear
Bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me
Be with me tonight
I know that it isn't right But be with me tonight

I go to school, I write exams
If I pass, if I fail, if I drop out, does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they'll soon forget
'Cause it won't take much for me to show that my life ain't over yet
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
And everything around me stays the same

Chorus

I couldn't tell you that I was wrong
Chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song
I couldn't tell you that you were right
So instead I looked in the mirror watched tv laid awake all night
We've got these chains that hang around our necks
People want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same
When temptation calls....

Chorus

When I was born they looked at me and said
What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy
And when you were born they looked at you and said
What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey

That’s enough self pity for one day.
Have a great weekend, and happy thanks giving to all my Canadian Brethren

PS…
A hairshirt (see also Cilice) is an uncomfortable shirt worn by some Catholics and, earlier, by Jews as a sign of penance.
They are made of coarse cloth, generally woven from goats' hair, and are worn close to the skin to practice mortification and penance or to show contrition for sins. (The cloth's coarse texture directly on the skin is extremely itchy, and it can also be a breeding ground for lice, furthering the discomfort.) They have also been worn to show distance from temptations of the flesh and ostentatious luxury. It is known that they have been worn by ascetics, monks, and lay persons.

PSS
TO : Social Worker on the edge.
This thing is freaking me out.. I don’t want you to have to worry about anything. I will work this out in my head… you know that I always do.
I love you.

Why me

2005-10-04T09:18:00.000-04:00

I hate being Tagged!!! but as a blogger i must play the game!
So there is my response.

The Rules:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

23rd Post:
Neighbours make me laugh ;-)

5th Sentence
Okay this is odd… why did you close the door

Who i want to play..
Dont matter to me... Just play damnit

Sorry for the neglect.

2005-10-03T11:36:00.000-04:00

I have been busy at work, home, life in general. That’s why no bloging.

I have something to share… but not today… you will have to come back later in the week. And the truth will be reviled.

For now. A story.

When the old lady and I had just started dating and I spent the night at her house. (Lucky me J)
I went to use the bathroom, and her house being owned by some old school wops before her family, had a bidet, now I know what a bidet is, I know what it is used for, but I have never used one!
So I am finishing my pee, and cant help but want to touch it. I had to touch it… it was calling out to me. “Come on turn me on, what will it hurt, who is going to know” o it was tempting me. I had to touch it, I had to turn it on…

Slowly at first, let the water run, it was fascinating, it looked like a fountain!!! It was so exiting, until I attempted to turn it off.
I turned the faucet the wrong way. The result. I stream of water, right between the eyes, with such force that it knocked be back. Whipping the water from my face I discovered that the stream was so forceful that it was hitting the ceiling of the bathroom. Which I found to be the funniest thing that I have ever seen. So funny in fact that I could not gain my composure to shut the water off.
The result is my girlfriend running into the bathroom, only to see me curled up on the floor in the fetal position laughing so hard that I was crying.
She ran in turned off the water and gave me the dirtiest look I have ever seen. Then she could not help herself and she started laughing. We spent the next 2 hours drying the bathroom floor and ceiling.
The best part of this whole story.,.. is… She still married me!!!

Okay here is a good one. Maybe Aimee could translate this one for me.

2005-09-21T14:24:00.000-04:00

Had a dream last night, I do not normally remember my dreams. But the premise of the dream was:
My friend was the engineer on a train, a huge fright train. I was on the outside, ridding along with him, talking to him about the controls, but I was riding on the outside of the train. We where talking, having a grand time, and it was not odd that I was on the outside looking in.
The Train then pulled up to an inspection station and had to get the cargo inspected. My friend had to get permission to allow me to come in during the inspection, he was granted the permission.

Okay What ever. But now this is where it gets odd. I got off the train, and now the goal was to win the race, between me and the train. It was not a strait line race, it was a race around city blocks. I started off walking, but I had this feeling of the train catching me, so I started to run, not a sprint or anything but a jog. I remember it so vividly that my hair was soaking wet, and the urgency for me to win was overwhelming. I was alone in the race, until I started to run, then my dog was there, and we where running together. I don’t know if I won, I woke up before the race was over… damn alarm.

I looked up dream sites and this is what I found about the four main images.

Race:
To dream that you are in a race, signifies that others are envious of your achievements and want it for themselves. If you win the race, then it denotes that you will overcome your competitors. Alternatively, this dream may also be an indication for you to slow down or take a different coarse in life. Often this dream can reveal your competitive nature and how you tend to measure yourself against others.

Train:
To see a train in your dream, represents conformity and go along with what everyone else is doing. You have the need to do things in an orderly and sequential manner. In particular, if you see a freight train, then it refers to the burdens and problems that you are hauling around.
To dream that you are on a train, is symbolic of your life's journey and suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed for the right direction. Alternatively, you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will prove to work out in the end..
To dream that you are the engineer, signifies that you are in complete control of a particular situation in your waking life.
To dream that you miss a train, denotes missed opportunities or nearly escaping your death.

Friend:
To see your friends in your dream, signifies aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to integrate these rejected part of yourself. The relationships you have with those around you are important in learning about yourself. Additionally, this symbol foretells of happy tidings from them and the arrival of good news.
To see your friends, saddened and troubled, in your dream, signifies sickness and distress upon them.
To see your childhood friend in your dream, signifies regression into your past where you had no responsibilities and things were much simpler and carefree. You may be wanting to escape the pressures and stresses of adulthood. Consider the relationship you had with this friend and the lessons that were learned. Alternatively, the childhood friend may be suggesting that you have been acting in a childish manner and you need to start acting like an adult.

Dog:
To see a dog in your dream, indicate a skill that you have ignored or forgotten, but needs to be activated. Alternatively, dogs may symbolize intuition, loyalty, generosity, protection, and fidelity. Your own values and intentions will enable you to go forward in the world and succeed. If the dog is vicious and/or growling, then it signifies some inner conflict within yourself. It may indicate betrayal and untrustworthiness. If the dog is dead or dying, then it indicates a loss of a good friend. Alternatively, it represents a deterioration of your instincts. Also consider common notions associated with the word dog, such as loyalty ("man's best friend") and to be "treated like a dog".
To see a happily barking dog in your dream, symbolizes pleasures and much social activity. If the dog is barking ferociously, then it represents your habit of unnecessary barking at people and the situations around you. It could also mean unfriendly companions. To dream that a dog bites your on the leg, suggests that you have lost your ability to balance aspects of your life. You may be hesitant in approaching a new situation or have no desire to move forward with your goals.
To dream that you are buying a dog, indicates your tendency to buy your friends or buy compliments/favours. Alternatively, it suggest a need for you to find companionship.

Can somebody translate!!!!

Leave Me alone Already

2005-09-16T10:13:00.000-04:00

Okay… this is the Thing that everybody keeps tagging me on!!
Damnit… here are my answers

7 Things You Plan To Do Before You Die
1: Hold my child
2: Get out of Debit
3: Go back to Hawaii
4: Find a Job that I love to do
5: Own a Motorcycle
6: Own a car that I actually Like
7: Hold my Grand Child

7 Things You Can't Do
1: Trust
2: Sing
3: Loose Weight
4: let by-gone’s be by-gone’s
5: lie to my wife
6: Play Fair
7: accept stupidity

7 Things You Can Do
1: Cook
2: Love my wife with all my heart
3: laugh from my belly
4: Teach
5: give a second chance
6: be noble
7: Take shit for something that I have fucked up

7 Things That Attract You To The Opposite Sex
1: Brain
2: Grilled cheese making skills
3: Laughter
4: Legs
5: Ass
6: eyes
7: boobies

7 Thing You Say The Most
1: Fuck
2: Are you fucken Kidding me
3: Dumbass
4: FuckTard
5: Shit
6: Shut Up
7: Idiot

7 Celebrity Crushes
1: Chick from 70’s show. (With blond Hair)
2: Chick from 70’s show. (With Red Hair)
3: My wife. If she was famous
4: Julianne Moore
5: Amanda Tapping
6: Emily Proctor
7: Sarah Chalke

7 People I Want To Take This Quiz
1: Wife
2: Dad Gone Mad
3: That’s it… everybody else has taken it.

Predictions.

2005-09-06T09:12:00.000-04:00

Well that’s not true. I have just one prediction. And here it is.

As the governments of the Oil producing world get together and start releasing some of the oil reserves that they have to ease the price of gas.
Here is what is going to happen.
The price of oil is going to drop to 40-50 $ a barrel, where it was a year ago, and we where paying 50-60 cents a litre.
But here is what is going to happen.
The price is going to drop to 75-85 cents a litre. And we will be happy!

You watch… It will happen. And you know what! I will mock all of you that do not believe me!

Politically incorrect Blog

2005-09-02T11:18:00.000-04:00

Okay I have had enough of all this shit that is going on in the world, and my back yard!

First off. The price of Gas. Come on now. This is not necessary. My dad was telling me. Back in the day of the gas crisis, and the price of Oil was about 5-6$ less then it is now. They were still only paying 0.50$ a gallon. That’s # 1
Number 2. and this is where it gets a little incorrect.
Toronto has become a shooting gallery. Every morning I wake up and there has been another shooting in the city where somebody gets killed. Or if they don’t get killed they are very incorporative. “ I don’t know who shot me. Or why” nice.
Number 3.
The hurricane victims. Listen I feel just as bad as the next guy about all the devastation and general shit that is happening down there. But what gets me is that the have known about this for 2-3 days before the storm hit. Why the hell would you stay around? They asked you to leave, they told you it was gonna be one hell of a blow job (And not the good kind) so now… suffer. I understand the idea of wanting to stay and protect all that you have earned and made. But is it worth your lives. Sometimes you have to say fuck it… the fact that I am still breathing is a little more important then my 56 inch TV. Pack up the Kids, dog, and cat. And get the fuck out of dodge.
Number 4
The looting… come on now people you are stealing from your own brothers. It just makes me sick. You are faced with a disaster and all you worry about is stealing the 56 inch TV… I can let the food and water slide. I can understand that. But stealing personal belongings from your neighbour. This just makes me sick!
And now for the politically incorrect statement.
In all instances # 2-4 98% of the people shooting, stealing, and left high and dry in the shit are BLACKS. Now I am not saying the white folks are innocent but come on now. Every person that I see on TV on a stretchers, or with a TV on there back is black. What burns me the most is, they bring their kids with them. I was watching the news last night and they filmed people ripping shit off. And they had their kids along. I guess to carry the DVD player.

“If I had known how much trouble you where going to cause. I would have picked the cotton myself!”

On that note Have a great weekend. And don’t drive to much!

A Blog not worthy of a Title!

2005-08-31T12:23:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the lack of blogs. I have been writing manuals, something that I loath doing. Not in my list of responsibilities. However I guess that it falls under the “As Assigned” section of my job description.
As a result I am complete tapped for ideas, the creative juices have come to a screeching halt. I have noting insightful to say, nothing witty, no opinions that upset or result in some obscure thought that results in leaving a comment. Which I love to read.
So hold on.. I will think of something funny to write about. I hope.

Here is a deep thought for a Wednesday afternoon.

Work is the only thing in this life that sucks so much that they have to pay you to do it.
Cheers

Ghod!!!

2005-08-30T10:35:00.000-04:00

Its Tuesday at 10:38 NUF Said!

IMMIGRANTS, NOT CANADIANS, MUST ADAPT

2005-08-25T08:42:00.000-04:00

Will we still be the Country of choice and still be Canada if we continue to make the changes forced on us by the people from other countries that came to live in Canada because it is the Country of Choice????
Think about it .
All I have to say is, when will they do something
about MY RIGHTS?
I celebrate Christmas, but because it isn't celebrated by everyone, we can no longer say Merry Christmas, now it has to be Season's Greetings.
It's not Christmas vacation, it's Winter Break.
Isn't it amazing how this winter break ALWAYS occurs over the Christmas holiday?
We've gone so far the other way, bent over backwards to not offend anyone, that I am now being offended. But it seems that no one has a problem with that . This says it all! This is an editorial written by a Canadian citizen, published in a Canadian newspaper. He did quite a job; didn't he?
IMMIGRANTS, NOT CANADIANS, MUST ADAPT
I'm tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. I'm not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Canada. Our population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants. However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand.
This idea of Canada being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Canadians, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.
We speak ENGLISH & FRENCH, not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!
We are, in the main, Christians, not Buddists, Muslims or Islamics because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture. If the Maple Leaf offends you, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. Our government gives every citizen the right to express his opinion and we will allow you every opportunity to do so. But once you are done complaining, whining and griping about our flag, our pledge, our national motto, or our way of life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Canadian freedom, THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

Tales from the X

2005-08-19T09:07:00.000-04:00

Many… Many moons ago, the X used to mean a weekend of eating, and games and rides oh my. But now it is just a money grab that only the rich and famous can afford to attend. But I digress into my poorness to provide some stories of my youth.

I remember a time when the food building would contain food from cultures all over the world. For a small fee you could enter, and sample everything. Gyros, matzha balls, funnel cakes…it was heaven. Now it is free to get in but 7$ for a glass of tap water.

There was one time that I will never forget. I had to be about 9 or 10, my dad and I where enjoying the midway, when we decided to go on this ride, for the life of me I cannot remember the name of the ride, but it was like a Farris wheel but with a fully enclosed cage, with seat belts and a steering wheel. The cage, well its top heavy.
So the old man and I get into this thing, looks fun, but lets just say, when you hire a 15 year old to run a ride that will flip you over and cause you to loose your lunch, your car keys, and all the change in your pocket. Really not the best Idea. So Sparkie, makes sure that the cage door was locked, but neglected to check if our seatbelts where firmly attached. We did not notice this until.. well the apex of the loop. The car flipped and dad and I where firmly planted on the roof of the car. Nice. I don’t know what was going through my dads head, but now that I am an uncle, I can only imagine, I am sure that he was more concerned with my safety. He did everything in his power to straiten the car. And he did. He mustered every ounce of his power to turn the car upright, and then spent the next three and a half minutes keeping the car upright. In was a terrifying experience. When the ride finally came to an end, well we, to say the least felt as if the rock of Gibraltar and been lifted off our shoulders. So when we finally got of this death trap, did we go to complain to the ride operator, the park manager, the police hell no, we got in line to go again. My dad rocks!!!

Well in about 52 min blog time, the X will open again for the 126 year in a row, with all the same rides, and the 15 year old drop out is now a 45 year old carnie with a cancer kazoo. Nice.

On a sadder note… The X is the sign that summer is coming to a close, labour day will be upon us sooner then you know, kids will be back in school. Ghod!!!! Getting older sucks… Gone are the days of endless summers, gone are the days of looking forward to school, cuz we where bored. Ghod… being an adult sucks.

On that note… have a great weekend..And lets go to the EX!

Why so few blogs.

2005-08-18T08:49:00.000-04:00

I don’t know why. I have nothing interesting to say. My skills as a writer for all the world to see have apparently dried up.

I don’t know what happened. I woke up one morning with absolutely nothing to say. I am sure that if I dug a little bit that I would have something to say. So what I am going to do is provide some updates to some life events.

Joan met with us, it was insightful, and a learning experience. And for all the Rob’s I know. Watch out for a red car running a red light in the next few weeks.

Infertility still sucks.

I either have a summer cold that will just not go away or I have allergies. It sucks any way that you look at it.

Latest news on the home front. Our temporary co-habitator is leaving at the end of September. Not that it was a bad experience. Just the I am not used to sharing my space with a stranger. I went from being an only child, to having my wife (Then girlfriend) move in with me, then being married and living alone, then living with family while our house was being constructed, to being alone again with my wife, then a stranger sharing my space. She is not a stranger, she works with my wife, but its not family.
I thought that it would be easy. But having doors closed all the time is really starting to get on my nerves. Not only that. I like being naked (Don’t think about this one to much… you will loose your breakfast) and having to make sure that I put on clothes to let the dog out sucks, Digging through the hamper at 3 am to find a t-shit and a pair of shorts is not my cup of tea. Fighting for fridge and cupboard space sucks, fighting for dryer time sucks, fighting for hot water sucks, but this will soon come to and end.

PS. The reason that I have not written about the co-habitator before is because I was told that I was not allowed to.

Cheers. And have a good day.
PSS. I am naked now!

Joan Round Two.

2005-08-15T11:24:00.000-04:00

Many of you have read “I have become a believer”. And to date, not that I am a sceptic. Not much has come to bare fruit. I am sure that if I was able to member everything that Joan told me, I am sure that I would be able to find some things that did occur. Regardless. Since my wife’s Psychic Sunday in May. Ken and Barbie have moved to BC. This prompted me to send an e-mail to Joan.

ME - So Joan. Any chance that you picked up the neighbours??? They have packed up and moved to BC
Joan – Could be. Where they outside when we had a smoke?
ME – Yes Barbie was out there mangling her lawn
Joan – It has been know to happen. But as I write this e-mail I still see you moving
ME – I really hope not
Joan – I would like to meet with you and your wife, together.
ME – Sure that would be great When…

And trying to setup a date for this very busy woman to come buy. So after weeks and weeks of playing e-mail tag, and things preventing our encounters. We have finally been able to set up a date for tonight.

I am so excited. I have talked to people that have met Joan as a couple, and their stories are interesting.

This time I will be a little more ready. Gonna ask her if we still have to move. I really don’t want to. Kids. ECT. I also want to know if I am doing what I need to do.
Anyway. Tomorrows blog should be a good one.

Something to Ponder

2005-08-11T16:51:00.000-04:00

Okay sorry for not bloging to much this week. Been so busy…

**************************

Okay ponder this:

Why do painters wear white pants.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

How to get into trouble with the In-laws.

2005-08-08T12:47:00.000-04:00

First. I have not blogged, well because I was on vacation. And I blog at work… so off for a week = No blogging
****************************

Now to the story. My wife and I watched my niece for a day last week. We enjoy spending time with her. And it gives Grandma and daddy a little bit of a break. So we really don’t mind doing it at all.
As many of you know, when I am not at work I tend to talk like a trucker. I like to toss a fuck in to a sentence at every opportunity. I do it, because it makes me feel like a man. My sperm sucks… so something has to make me feel like a man. So fuck you. Fuck me… fuck him.. is common place in my everyday language. And I really think that I have gotten good a swearing, I have really mastered the nuances of adding a cuss into the English language. (PS. I am also a bigot)
So we are out with my niece in the car who is now 2 and a half. And is some sort of sponge, Who knew? So we are driving and this fucktard is on his bike, in the middle of the fucken road, a one lane road, with no place to pass, you can just imagine. The air in the car was blue. The wife kept reminding me that the kid was in the car. Every F that came out of my mouth would result in a ‘Babe’ coming out of my wife’s mouth, a little louder each time.

So finally I was able to pass and I calmed down.

Now the next day. I went to visit my parents. And my mother told me that MIL called. And was not to happy with me. What did I do now? Well apparently fucktard is my niece’s new favourite word.

Now what makes an uncle happier then his niece learning a new word and using it properly. I don’t know.

Now, if a 2 and a half year old saying fucktard is not fucken funny. I don’t know what is!

I am so proud. And when I finally have kids. I expect nothing less then fuck being the first word out of JR’s mouth.

I can’t Fucken Wait!

Insha’allah

2005-07-25T12:33:00.000-04:00

This is the most use phrase in the Arabic language. This phrase can be the answer to almost any question asked of you.

Can you take me to the store? Insha’allah

Will this be done by 5 pm? Insha’allah

Are you going to movies this weekend? Insha’allah

See almost any question can be answered with Insha’allah.

Why this blog. Well I think that it is time for another Tattoo. I love tattoo’s. This will be #3, and I am now really looking forward to it. I love the medium, I love the artistry, I just love it.

When I Tattoo, I make sure that it is meaningful, not fly by the seat of my pants type thing. My first tattoo, which was prit-near 8 years ago, it’s an arm band, with a maple leaf imbedded in the band. Yes I am proud to be Canadian.

My second tattoo was just a little over 3.5 years ago. My wife hates this tattoo, but I did it for me, not for her. I got it shortly after my Grandfather died. Actually I think that I got it the day after the funeral. I lost both my fathers parents in very quick succession, and this insures that I will never forget them, or there memory. Both Tattoos are in locations such that, if I do not want you to see them you will not. As much as I love tattoos, sometimes an office environment is not conducive to personal artwork.

Now as for tattoo # 3. Well it will be on my left bicep, and will be….

That is the Old Arabic text, same is you would find in the Koran. It says Insha’allah. Now what does this mean. It is a very simple phrase that has become common place in the language. The literal translation is
‘God Willing’
It is pronounced exactly as it is written in English. The reason for this tattoo, well I am not a religious man, but I am very spiritual. And sometimes everybody needs a little reminder that things happen for a reason, and that life is not always a grey as we think it is.

So from now on, when life is the shits, and you never think that anything is going to get better, just think to yourself

‘Insha’allah’

Works for me.

Cheers.

If you click on the title of this blog. You will be taken to the 'Skid Tattoo' as my wife calls it.

OIL….LUBE…& FILTER

2005-07-22T09:31:00.000-04:00

Okay, before I begin, let me start by saying that I kill myself sometimes. And that this blog is going to get me into some serious shit… I am sure of that…

This blog, well it beings last night. Wife tells me not to make dinner and that we will go out. So we do… No Biggie… The result of the dinner will be a blog for another day…

So after dinner, wife tells me that we have to go to the drug store and pick up some supplies… okay whatever. So we go in… and the wife heads to the girlie isles.

She proceeds to pick up.

Pregnancy test
Yeast infection Kit
Pantie Liners
And
T-bar pantie liners.

I'm still trying to do the math on this one… but regardless we head to the cashier, who looks at the shopping list and kinda gives us and odd look. And of course I have to comment. “Yea… I'm not sure either… gotta be the weirdest combination of shit you have ever seen”
She turns to me and says “uh no… you wanna know what the weirdest combination that I have ever seen” …I gotta know now… “Yes please” she continues… “One guy came in and bought 2 dozen condoms and package of rubber gloves” uh.. I'm am perplexed. So I retort “Good thing that you don’t sell Gerbil food” She laughed and we went on our way…

THE LUBE:
So last night I learned what the yeast infection kit was for. All my wife wanted was the Applicator. She was using the applicator to insert the progesterone pellets that she is supposed to stuff up her ass. (But she is refusing, so she is stuffing them in her box) what ever… I would not stuff them in my ass either… (Maybe we should find the guy with the condoms and rubber gloves). The Progesterone pellets are very greasy and slippy.

THE OIL:
So I am shaving this morning, the wife comes in to pee… she does and when she wipes, well she almost punched herself in the chin. God it was funny. Not as funny as when she felt that she had to show me her now greasy, oily wad of toilet paper prior to flushing it. So if you see my wife about town, and she has a black eye. It was not me… Honest!

THE FILTER:
I figured out what the pantie liners are for. Nuf said.

So the title of my blog came to me this morning while I was laughing at my wife. And I was strutting around the bedroom… Lube…Oil & FIL-TER. She was not happy but could not help laughing. The fun part is, the fact that she is laughing is getting her more and more mad. But her anger keeps turning to laughter, which gets her ever more angry. I love her and what she is putter herself through so that we can have children.
PS… My wife is selling Yeast infection pellets, she has 3. 5 Bucks each. Applicator NOT included

Thursday free for all!.

2005-07-21T12:42:00.000-04:00

I have nothing to talk about. I have stated my rules.. and people seem to be leaving my post-its alone. Which is a good thing…

He are some events that have happened and well life goes on.

Broken Tail.
Puppy broke her tail at the cottage. I don’t know what happened; all was good until Sunday morning. Then it would not wag. There was a bump at the base, and it would just not wag. Even with the offer of a cookie, her bum would shake vigorously, but no tail wag. It was actually kinda funny, watching her whole ass end sway with such vigour, but the tail, dead. Its all good now. It is back to normal. We are chalking it up to a bug bite.

Again.
London got hit again. That sucks. It just happened like 5 hours ago. 4 more explosions. Goes to show that you are never safe… put all the safe guards in place that you want, but still does not make a difference. This should just about put the Roommate over the edge. There should be a padlock on the door, and bars on the windows by the time I get home.

Beam me up Scotty
James Doohan, passed away yesterday. God that sucks. This means that I too am getting older. Scotty you will be missed.

Time Change
God my government sucks. The Us announced that it will be extending Daylight savings time by two months. The theory is that it will reduce the stain on the power gird. Lights in the winter months will not have to come on as early and in turn, using less hydro. Good idea. But the premier of Ontario said that we would have to study the impacts of this before making a decision to follow along with the US. Are you Fucken Kidding me. Why do you have to study anything. This is our biggest trading partner, keep the times the same. If they change lets change… don’t waist my time or fucken money on another god damn study. If you Study this and don’t change the time and I have to work till 6pm for two months I am coming after you FUCKTARD! Although for the month of November, Monday night football would be coming on at 8pm… which I am okay with!

Baseball
The blue Jays play at 1245… I get to listen to the game at work.. This makes me happy.

Football
Rookie camp started this week. This also excites me.

One more day
Only 12 working hours (Well 12 hours that I have to be here. Lets not kid anybody.. I don’t work that much… ) till the weekend. This excites me.

44 Hours to go
44 Hours. That’s it. I have to spend 44 more hours at this desk… then I am on vacation for a week. So Nice!!! Looking forward to it.

I'm done.. Have a great weekend!

Respect my rules

2005-07-19T10:23:00.000-04:00

Please people. Understand that I have rules for a reason. Here is a list of my rules. Follow them and we will get along.

1: 9 – 5 Rule
This one is simple. I work with you nothing more. I don’t want to be your friend, when I ask how was your weekend. I really don’t care or want to know. The answer that I am looking for is ‘Good’ then leave and carry on with your business. I really don’t want to know that your kid learned to walk, or used the potty, or ate the dog’s boogers. I was being polite. I was playing the office game. Now piss off. I have some serious dog fucking to get done today, and you telling me information that is not necessary or wanted really cuts into my surfing.

2: Respect my Shit.
I don’t have much. But what I do have, I have earned, please respect it. Don’t take my pens, don’t ask for a post it, the supply cupboard is 30 ft away. When you are in my home. That means that I have invited you in, so this means that you have free rain over my shit. Go into the fridge, have a shit, whatever… Just show the same respect that you would expect. IE.. Don’t drink out of the carton!!!! Or replace the roll when it is empty, flush and plunge as necessary.

3: My car is my car!
This is a huge bone of contention with me. If you are in my car, or even using my car, don’t bitch about the state of the car. I don’t care. I use this car to get to work and to ball. Other then that I don’t give a fuck. If you don’t like the fact that there is coffee stains and ashes all over the place, then get a ride from somebody else. I have the car for 4 years. It’s a lease. I don’t give a fuck. If it bothers you that much… You pay to have it cleaned. PS… when you have it cleaned, don’t forget about under the seat. That’s where I wipe my boogers.

4: The old Lady
Don’t fuck with my wife. Do not insult her. Do not talk down to her. Treat her as you would treat your mother. You may hear me say. “Shut up Bitch” or “FUC” (Fuck you cunt) But I am in no way disrespecting my wife. I have never told my wife to shut up, or have I ever called her a cunt in anger. Nor has she ever to me. You may think that we are fighting, or its gonna come to blows. But trust me. We are not even close. We have been married for almost 4 years, together for almost 10. And I think that we have had maybe 2 fights. My wife and I have the utmost respect for one another. I don’t care if you grab a boob, or pinch a cheek, I am okay with this. Just do not disrespect her!!! What she did not finish, I will. TRUST ME.

5: Shock Value
I am about the Shock value. My goal in life is to shock as many people as humanly possible. When you think it… chances are it is already half way out of my mouth. Why, because it is fun. Do not be offended my by quick whit. Don’t be surprised by what I say, think about it. Then have a good laugh. That’s what it is about. Life it way to short to give a fuck. If you are new to knowing me. Don’t worry… you will get used to it. You will even learn to feed me lines that will result is some snappy comebacks that will no doubt be directed at our dim witted waitress, while she is in ear shot. I don’t care if she spits in my beer. Big fucken deal. She is still gonna get her 15%

6: Respect my Abilities
I may not be handy, or the most motivated person in the world, give me a task and I will work through it. It might take me some time, but it will get done. Do I make fun of you when you tell me that you cannot link tables in an Access Database, or your excel spreadsheet will not create a pivot table. NO.. I will walk you through it, I will even write some scripts for you. So please do not look at me like I am a fool when I ask you what a “ ¾ inch galvanised tap-con, with a reverse hex thread” is. We each have our own set of skills, some; better then others, but that’s why we have friends. We complement each other, learn to use the skills do not mock them.

You see. They are not that hard. Simple rules that I would like everybody to follow… Learn them, use them, and my life….no the world will be a better place!!

c-ya!

Serenity NOW!

2005-07-14T09:30:00.000-04:00

Not much going on in my life… Been pretty quiet. That’s the reason that I have not published anything for a while.

I have matured. Which really Kinda Sucks. You see I was planning on taking a “Happy Day” on Friday. But that’s not gonna happen. Suddenly out of nowhere. I have this sense of responsibility. In the past. The day would have started something like this. “Cough… Cough.. Hey Boss. I'm not feeling so hot. I'm not gonna be in today. If you need me you can call me at home” Then the phone would be taken off the hook and back to bed I would have gone.

Now… I have shit to do. Which really bothers me. Not the shit to do. But the fact that I seem to care. God getting older sucks.

I want to have 2 months off in the summer, I want a week off in March, I want 3 weeks off at Christmas. God I want to be a kid again. Or at least a teacher!!!!

I'm not bashing teachers. A couple of my friends are teachers. And they have it so tough. HAHAHA… sorry. That’s funny even to me.

Wife and I are going to a friends cottage this weekend. Its gonna be so nice. Just getting away from the city. Getting away from everything, even for a short time. I plan on taking some pictures of the dog having some fun in the lake. And if I can figure out how to post them in one post, then I will put some of them up next week. Kim (See Sidebar) told me how to do it, but there has to be an easer way. I think that I might sign up for flicker or something. See how that works out.

For now. Wife and I are not gonna do the sperm wash this month. We are just gonna hump and see what happens. We have to much stress going on right now to worry about it. We will start again next month.

If I don’t post tomorrow. Have a great weekend. Peace out.
And lets hope that it cools down a little sometime soon.

Today’s Blog

2005-07-08T15:55:00.000-04:00

Well today I am going to start off by saying thank you to all the people that express concern with my well being.

I did in fact make it home before the shit hit the fan. Thanks for all your calls and e-mail to me and my wife. Cheers to you all for that.

Now today’s blog.
A Couple of weeks ago the Movie people put out a list of the top 100 movie quotes of all time. Well 99% of the quotes that they said where great… well I did not know most of them, I think that I might be a little to young. so… here is my list… its not gonna be 100 but it will be a few.

Drum roll please. And in no particular order….

Chicks Like guys with skills (Napoleon Dynamite)
69 Dude (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure)
Laugh it up Fuzz ball (Empire Strikes Back)
You knew Jesus…Knew him…Nigger owes me 12 bucks (Dogma)
These aren’t the droids you’re looking for. (Star Wars)
I’m Sorry Dave, I’m afraid that I can’t do that. (2001)
Unicorn??? (Gone in 60 Seconds)
I’ll Punch your Ovary (Anchorman)
My advice to you is to start drinking heavily (Animal House)
Carl, how does one become a janitor? (The Breakfast Club)
Luke I am your father, give in to the dark side you Knob (Strange Brew)
You like flock of seagulls don’t ya (The wedding singer)
Pedro offers you his protection (Napoleon Dynamite)

Now please feel free to add your favourite quotes… and we can send them off the movie people and get the list changed.

Have a great weekend.

WOW

2005-07-07T15:33:00.000-04:00

Not gonna say much... Just glad i came home yesterday and not today...
PS.. i was in England... about 2 miles from the tube bomb!

My thoughts and Prayers to all the Families that have lost a loved one!!

Not so Expensive….but wait.

2005-07-02T05:16:00.000-04:00

Okay… So I am in London. Again… And I miss the long weekend… Lucky me…

My boss is just lucky that I am not missing the opportunity to spunk in a cup… or he would be dealing with my wife.

Anywho… This sort blog is just my way of going wholly shit.

So last night after putting in a day of work… I am way to tired to do anything. So I just go back to my room to sleep.

So about a 20 sec walk from my hotel is a subway. I need food, so I trod off to the subway. This is where it gets fun. I order my sub, a pop (Soda for my amarican Friends), and a bag of chips…

£8.20 That’s the same price as I pay at home. No biggie…

Then it hits me. O my Fucken God. That’s 20 dollars. (I would use the dollar sign.. but I cant find it on this UK Keyboard). 20 dollars for a sub and a drink…

Ahh… Gotta love the UK.

That’s it for now…

Enjoy Canada Day and the 4th of July without me.

Cheers and Peace out!!!

YESTERDAY.... TODAY and TOMORROW

2005-06-28T11:40:00.000-04:00

Taken from the AA-Toronto Web site. For my Father-in-law who is coming up on 15 years of sobriety. Good Job Pops.

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is YESTERDAY with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. YESTERDAY has passed forever beyond our control

All the money in the world cannot bring back YESTERDAY. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said. YESTERDAY is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. TOMORROW is also beyond our immediate control

TOMORROW'S sun will rise, either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds - but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in TOMORROW, for it is as yet unborn.

This leaves only one day - TODAY - Any man can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities – YESTERDAY and TOMORROW that we break down.

It is not the experience of TODAY that drives men mad - it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY and the dread of what TOMORROW may bring.

Let us, therefore, live but one day at a time.

Wise words for anybody.

A Tale of Two Wings

2005-06-23T11:27:00.000-04:00

It was an evening like any other. Two people very much in love, out for some dinner with some friends at the local watering hole. Buffalo style chicken wings where on the menu… Hot wings in fact. The night was progressing much like every other night. Wings and beers consumed. At the time our Hero had no concept of the ramifications of drinking and driving. (He was 24 at the time and indestructible) and our heroine was still in a state of new love and would get in the car with our hero at any time anywhere. But I digress from the tales of irresponsibility.

As libations where consumed, our heroine, stunningly dressing in a white blouse, a kilt and 7 hole shiny black Dr. Martins. She was hot.. o so hot. Left to go to the bathroom, our hero watched her wiggle and flirt her way to the washroom, as she disappeared into the crowd, our hero’s focus was redirected back to his now drunken friends. Where he boasted. “I'm gonna nail her good tonight” followed by a round of Hi-Fives, evil smirks and drunken laughter.

As the sultry bar maid asked them to leave, because she was tired and the establishment was now closing, at that point our heroine leans over to our hero and whispers “When I was in the bathroom I removed my panties. You make me so hot” our hero was dumbfounded. Not knowing what to do, he examined her purse, sure enough; there were her panties. How intriguing, he thought to himself, how exciting… I’m in love with a dirty girl… nice…

As our two protagonists left the bar our hero reached over and goosed our heroine, and she giggled. They entered his car, both anticipating and evening of excitement. As they made there way home, our hero was planning on starting the excitement sooner than later. Reaching over, he began to fondle her thigh, caressing it gently, he slowly moved his hand towards her throbbing womanhood, with playful resistance our heroine opened her leg’s ever so slightly allowing him access to his goal.

Our protagonists are in love, a little excitement on they journey home was welcomed, and did wonders for their relationship. Our heroine felt a sensation that she had never encountered, exciting at first. But the fires built, and built until she could no longer contain herself. With a look that had never been witnessed by our hero, she growled… “Do you have some sort of cream on your hands” Our hero had no idea what to do… he sat there stunned. Thinking… thinking..

“No. I don’t have cream on my hands… but I did eat hot wings”

The moral of this story is. If your gonna eat hot wings. Wash your hands very well.

Now if you are all wondering why the title is “A tale of two wings” because. This happened more then once to our hero and heroine. That’s what makes it so funny.

Cheers…

Free Dog yes… but!!!

2005-06-21T09:58:00.000-04:00

Not really sure what to write about.. Having a case of writers block, I guess the fact that I have never called myself a writer really means that its not writes block as much as nothing interesting to say.

What’s been up with me. Well some of you may not know that our dog is in fact a foster dog from the CNIB (Canadian National Institute for the Blind) She is going to be used for their breeding program. So our dog will never become a working dog. She is a puppy machine. However; the plan was to breed her when she was 18 months old. Which meant sending her back to the CNIB so that she could do the nasty with the male of their choice.

So Dancer (That’s their name not mine.. If I had my choice her name would be Kitty. I like irony) comes into heat. So I call the center and let them know. The ball starts rolling and I get a call. “ We will need her earlier then normal, we have to fly her up north, that’s the stud they have selected.” I'm thinking perfect. I will miss her.. but I will not miss following her around with the wet-jet. So the day before we drop her off the phone rings.
“Uh… hate to tell you this. But I was looking through her documents. And found out that the agreement with the breeder that donated her…. We cant breed her till she is 24 month”

AGHHHH… Nice.. I get to spend the next 3 weeks with this dog that wants nothing more then to get a piece of ass.. and since I am the only male in her life… I tend to get a quality view of her backside… more then I care to see. And the fanny… wow… that gets to be the size of a blood orange and the same colour as the juice. Love it. Now the best part… at about day 9 for about 4 days… little miss needs a piece, starts to let the world know that she is ready for some love'n. Now this is done via some olfactory pollution that smells akin to the creek after the salmon run… nice. So the stench is awful. So bad that the old lady threatens to move out… In addition to that… we need to find a place for her to sleep.. so we lay an old blanket in the closet, and put her in there at night. (We don’t close the door, we just put a baby gate across the closet door. DAMN PETA PEOPLE) Now the blanket looks like a CSI episode that could not be solved.

The good news… is she is finished… the only thing that I have to do is wash the crime scene and bathe the dog… Great… wet dog…

Keep telling yourslef... this is for a good cause... good cause... good cause...

Cheers
Peace out!

Quiz For y'all

2005-06-17T09:10:00.000-04:00

Okay. Some Chick from Ohio (Kim) Posted this a couple of days ago… She is one funny bitch… So… Wondering what she has to say about me… I figure that I should post this as well.. Now… I don’t just want her to fill this out…

Go on… Everybody answer… The comments that she received a soooo funny. I just gotta see what people have to say about me.

Ps… If you are new to my blog… Read this and possibly this to get some incite as to who I am.

Don’t be shy… I can take it!!!

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

Ps… Have a great weekend. I am working on 16 Blocks tonight… Watch for it in Theatres next spring!!!

Are Kids that important to me???

2005-06-16T10:25:00.000-04:00

Short answer is yes, I long to have children. Long answer is, I am going to go broke trying.

So the old lady and I head to the fertility doctor yesterday for our second appointment to discuss the results of our tests. (which other then the cervical piercing and a die test that my wife had to endure) We have done the tests 3-4 times now at 3-4 different doctors. How many times do I have to spunk in a cup (Now I have enough trouble finding the whole on the best of days, let alone trying to stuff Mr. Happy, into a sterile collection cup in the middle of a self induced orgasm) to be told that my sperm is lazy and immature again!!!

So now “Dr. A Little too chunky to wear a summer dress” Sits us down and starts to review the results..
Dr. T.C: So Mark. Your sperm is lazy and immature
ME: Surprise, same results as the last four.
Dr.T.C: OK. But I have to run the tests here.
ME: No problem. Send the bill to OHIP.
Dr. T.C: Okay. Old Lady, everything is good, all the plumbing is good, but…
OL: BUT????
Dr. T.C: Yes… this should be 60 and you’re a 3. Your not ovulating.
OL: But I get the Super Slip
Dr. T.C: No I don’t think so… if you don’t ovulate you wont get the super slip
OL: DO you want to see my box… cuz I will show it to you… its slippy…
ME (In my head) I love you OL.. you make me laugh
Dr. T.C: I don’t think so.,.. But here are your options.
1: Do another sample so that we can see if we can get 5 million sperm to do a wash.
What did I tell you… I knew that she was gonna play that game.
2: We can proceed with the sperm wash… 3: We can do and aggressive sperm wash… but the meds for that are 1000$
4: We can do in-vitro…
ME. So if we do the wash. Your gonna count my boys anyway
Dr. T.C: yes
ME: So why should I pay for the special count if your gonna do it as part of the wash
Dr. T.C Because I want more of your money.
ME: Thank you for being honest.

Now understand that OL has been nothing but iterating. Cuz up to this point it has been all my fault. Now… I so want to do a touchdown dance… and shout that… “hey its not all me.” But being the sensitive guy that I am… I did a tiny “Icky Shuffle” in the car. I did not say anything about why I did my little dance. But OL knowing how sick and twisted I am, promptly shouts at me “O NO you don’t” I could not help but laugh.

Anyway… Dr. T.C then proceeds to tell us what will need to be done… Day three of OL’s period, we (Now I say we cuz we are a couple, but its really OL) start with some meds that will produce two eggs at once and balance all the hormones. Then on day 10-15 of OL’s cycle she will have to go through ultra sounds every day to watch the growth of the eggs. Then if all goes well with that, on day 16 she will get a shot that forces the body to drop two eggs, they then take the best of the best of my boys and with a turkey baster they insert them into her box right where they need to be. And this happens again on day 17… Now the best part about this is… I don’t like to do anything myself. Apparently nor does my sperm… I am so proud…

Then after the boys are dropped off. OL has to take some progesterone Now the funny part… they are anal suppositories. Bahhhh… I love it. I cant even contain myself at this point. Now this will have to be done for I think that she said for a week. But now OL is getting over the fact that she will have to stuff something up her ass. Until… last night she gives me some reading material… and the last line of this document is;
“The progesterone will have to be taken twice a day, once in the morning and once at bed time”
OL stated to cry… not with sadness… but with the thought that she will have to stuff something up her bum twice a day for 7 days.

Needless to say I laughed myself to sleep.

Now I am certain that OL is going to post a blog about this… so take a minute out of your day and check out her blog to see how our stories differ.

Also… we will be accepting fertility donations. Send a cheque…
Thanks…

Short But Sweet

2005-06-15T09:12:00.000-04:00

Okay, Here is the Deal, Reading another blog, I discovered this cool little counter, that allows me to see the number of people that come to my blog site. where you are, and where you come from. I know that there are quite a few of you... Which... makes me smile.

But i would like you all to introduce yourselves... post a Comment and a link to your blogs... I love to read blogs... so... please post a message... and let me know who you are... and i promise i will not ping you with one of those MEME things.....

Cheers for now.. and i am looking forward to meeting you all..
Cheers

What a trip!

2005-06-13T11:47:00.000-04:00

So, I was in BC… And nothing happened. I went with open eyes and such…. But nothing happened.

So I leave for the airport. Everything seems to be going as planed. I get packed.. showered and everything is on time… flight and everything.. I even get the Page from Air Canada to tell me that my flight is on time. Which I always seem to get after I land at my destination. But this one came on time.

So I check in.. and talk to Skippy,
ME: So that’s an isles seat right
Skippy: Uh no…
Me: What do you mean that’s not an Isles seat.
Skippy: It’s a middle seat… just like you requested.
ME. Look at me… do I look like I would have requested a middle seat
(Now understand that I am 6’2 and 280 lbs., and my company is to cheep to spring for business class)
Skippy. I guess not
Me: Get me an isles seat please.
Skippy. I cant, plane is oversold by 11 people.
Me. Has every body checked in?
Skippy. No
Me. Are there any isles seats?
Skippy. Yes
Me, Well I don’t care if it is in the asshole of the plane I will take it.
Skippy: I cant, they have been pre-booked.
Me. Well I pre-booked an Isles.
Skippy. Well Mr. Die-bone (Sure… fuck up my seat then butcher my name. your not too smart are you) I looks like they have changed the plane, and the seat that was reserved for you, originally an Isles, but in the new plane it’s a middle.
Me. Then get me an Isles if that’s what I booked,
Skippy: I cant they are pre-booked by other passengers.
Me. Are you fucken kidding me. (And that’s what I said) fine just give me the boarding pass. And check my bag.
Skippy: Uh, you missed the bus that takes your baggage to the airport. So you will have to take it with you.
Me. Of course.. cuz heaven forbid that you do your job. Jackass. (I did not say the jackass part. I do have some couth, I intelligent enough to know that this is not his fault. And as pissed as I am, he does not deserve the brut of my rage)

So off I go… get the gate, get on the plane, and get to my assigned seat. Let me tell you… The two people that I wedged myself between, I will call them Window Tard, and Isles Twat

Now window tard.. I call him that, because he was completely unkempt, and had Velcro shoes.

And Isles twat, well she was a first nations, right wing bitch (Understand, that I have some squaw in me, so I'm not predigest towards Tonto and his casinos) But when she called me whitey I should have known something was up.

So I sit down and fasten my seat belt. And the games begin, Clearly WT had some issues, the fact that he was rocking in his seat should have given that away. Now… when people are nervous on planes, I make it my mission to make there life as miserable as possible. It’s just a game I like to play. So as we push off and the plane knocks and shudders… I have to make a comment. “What was that…. Did you hear that… that can’t be good” and the rocking gets to the point that I asked for some cream… (Wanted to make butter) Mission accomplished.

Now.. IT.. she is a different story… she clearly was going to get every inch out of the seat that I am sure that the Canadian government has paid for. But the kicker, is she clearly does not like the fact that I am so tall and wide, that I encroach on her personal space. This again begins my game. I figure that hey… I need more personal space then you. So.. instead of being aware of my seat mates. I make sure that I let her know that she should have taken the middle seat when I gave her the opportunity. So… I lift the arm rest and let my self flow into her space… now understand that I hate my personal space being violated as much as the next guy… but this is now going to keep me amused for the next 5 hours…

So every time that she gets somewhat comfortable, I also adjust my position and make sure that I in someway make contact with her. Legs, arms, shoulders. And every time this happens she lets out a sigh… haha!!! FU bitch… I gave you the chance to switch.

Now the meal is served, and its chicken or pasta. WT takes the pasta, and I do as well. So this gives me the opportunity to inflict a little more misery on the poor sod. I start… “Does this smell okay to you… I'm not sure… but this smells off… How about yours” poor bastard. He is about to snap. I love to fly!!!!

Now IT is getting more and more pissed with my violation of her personal space. After dinner, she goes to the washroom, and comes back, pulls out, another government purchase, her lap top. So she gets out some documents and sets up her laptop, and not 5 min later I tell her that I have to get up… she was soooo pissed… I am sure that she was going to scalp me. Thank god they don’t allow tomahawks on the plane anymore (Thank you Al Qaeda) So she is standing waiting for me to return, I walk back and tell her that I am going to stand up for a bit. Which on longer flights I do, to stretch the legs. I stood for about 30 min, then when it was time for me to return to my seat. I waited for the perfect opportunity. She stood up to get more stuff out of her carry on bag. As soon as she has her self situated again. I figure that it was time to return to my seat. I love my twisted little game.

So I continued to play my self amusement games with IT and WT the remainder of the flight… I am twisted.

So enough about the flight… I will continue with the hotel tomorrow… that’s a good one. But this blog is long enough!

Cheers

Sorry

2005-06-10T12:12:00.000-04:00

Sorry to all of you that read my blogs... I have been away on business for the last week and in a hotel that does not have internet access. ITs like being in the stone age./...
I have stolen 3 min from my client to post this short blog... i have not even had the chance to read other blogs... I am in withdrwal...

Anyway ,... i will be back on mondy in full force... i have stories about my trip... and the hotel...
OMG....
Cheers and have a great weekend.

Joan Said

2005-06-03T10:05:00.000-04:00

To understand this blog you need to read this.

So… I am heading to BC on Sunday for a week. And I have been advised to go with different eyes and ears. What does that mean… I'm not sure… but I am going to take it as, be open to things that I generally would not be open to. So with open eyes I am getting ready to go… Now this is where the story gets interesting.

Speaking with my client. He told me last week that he had hired a new woman to run the show… This woman comes from the transportation industry, and has years of experience, that he could of only dreamed to find. Good for you… I hope that everything works out… Now this was told to me… because I will be responsible for ensuring that this woman knows everything that she needs to know. And that she will be to go to gal. That’s fine… in my line of work, it is always handy to have a go to guy or gal. Makes my life easer.

So talking to my client yesterday. The Holy Grail that he hired decided to take another position and will not be starting work for him. Ahh… put all your eggs in one basket can cost you the farm… in addition to this, one of his girls that does a lot, has to take medical leave, and will not return to work until further notice. Well she committed to stay until after I have left, and another higher up employee has to spend the next 7-10 weeks in Vancouver, because her son is very ill and receiving treatment in a hospital in Vancouver.

Now; it is not uncommon for clients to offer me jobs, whether in jest or seriously, it happens all the time.

So my question to my ‘Guides’, is this the opportunity that will cause me to move out west? I'm not sure if… It will have to be one hell of an offer to get me to pack up and move west. We will have to see.

With open eyes and ears.
Mark.

PS…

On a lighter note… I am getting a cheque today for referring a co-worker to my car guy. 100 bucks is a 100 bucks…

PSS…

Got laid last night… that was fun J

Cheers… and have a great weekend.

The Theory to end all Theories

2005-06-01T10:42:00.000-04:00

This is something that my friends and I have developed through years of research. And to this day it can be proven every time that we go out to partake in some libations. My friends and I are all in our 30’s. We spent many a night working on this theory, (I would like to take this opportunity to thank Molson Breweries for there support in our research efforts) and have to come to the point that we are all confident that this theory can be used any where in the world. Understand that throughout the years we have disagreed on the theory, but this is completely subjective. I think that as I explain the theory the subjective-ness will be understood by you the reader.

The Caboose® Theory.

The caboose® theory has three flavours; I will explain each portion of the theory so that you may understand how it works and put it to use in your every day life.

Firstly, we need to understand the woman always travel in groups. Nobody has been able to explain this. Darwin was even at a loss to explain the nature of the phenomenon. Woman we know always travel to the washroom together, they move from location to location as a pack. So to watch this theory in action, a location that provides a clear view washroom entrance is the best place to setup your blind.

Caboose® Theory:

The hotness of the woman is directly related to the position in the pack. This can be expressed mathematically by the following formula. (I told you that we spent a lot of years on this one)

P = (X-D) / N

Assuming the woman are traveling in a strait line from point A to B.

Let The following be True

P = Position in the Pack
X = Perfect 10 (The elusive woman, never been found except my wife)
D = Damn (The degree of hotness. All woman strive to be X)
N = Number of woman in the pack

Standard Caboose®:

The standard caboose® is the most common of all the caboose theory. This caboose is the easiest to spot. The above formula holds true for this theory.

The hottest woman in the group will always lead the way. The least attractive woman will be at the end of this train.

Explanation:

We believe that this occurs because men will always move to the side to allow a hot woman to pass. As a result of the part in the male species, the remainder of the woman will be granted access before the breach automatically closes itself.

Reverse Caboose®:
Formula
1/P = (X-D) / N

1 over P. Why you ask. It appears from our research that occasionally; the line of woman will reverse itself. This type of caboose happens much more rarely then the SC (Standard Caboose). We have observed that this occurs more when the subjects exit the washroom then at any other time.

Explanation:

We believe that this occurs during the subjects foray to the washroom. After consideration we believe the following to be true. During the course of the evening the subject designated as P1 will always have more beverages purchased for her. The position in the pack is also directly related to the number of beverages that will be purchased for you. As a result, the length of time required to evacuate body waste increases. This results in Px taking less time in the washroom then Px+1.

Train Wreck:

This occurs when all the subjects in the study are unattractive. Again this is subjective to the observer. Even in the rare occurrence of a train wreck, the SC & RC formulas can be applied to some degree.

Explanation:
Even ugly woman go to bars.

I hope to soon have my PHD for this on hanging on my wall for this study.
Please use this information wisely.

The information provided is designed to be used for good only.

One thing that we have learned during our study is that your chance of getting laid is directly proportional to P.

So when last call occurs. Understand that this is not the time to make your move on P1. Now is the time to move in on Px-3 or Px-4.

Use this information wisely and good luck.

Neighbours make me laugh ;-)

2005-05-30T11:30:00.000-04:00

So my weekend was quite and uneventful, just some cleaning and household chores and of course the bi-annual grocery shop. That’s a blog for another day.

So as my wife and I prepare to retire for the evening. My wife disappears into the bathroom and closes the door. Okay this is odd… why did you close the door. If your having a shit… at least you could do is try to stink me out of the bedroom. What else is marriage for other then to enjoy the odours that you each produce? I am still the winner… cuz I made my wife puke in her mouth once. But I digress.

So I go and check in on the wife… make sure that she has not gotten a hold of any razor blades and the tub is not running!!!! And what did I discover… she is in the bathroom with the lights off and that blinds slightly opened and the window open a crack and she is spying on the neighbours. “What are you doing” With her hand waving and her boobs flopping. I get the “ shhhhhhh… Bill and Julie are having a fight.” (The names have been changed to protect the innocent). Now understand that the neighbours I thought where great people, I liked them when we moved in… but for some reason, they suddenly thought that they were better then us… you know the feeling… when you are just not up to snuff… "how can you live in the same neighbourhood as us. My god we live beside rednecks." So what… Rednecks are some of the nicest relatives that I have. So the fact that I love a good fight I join my wife in the bathroom and start to listen.

Bill: Shut up bitch.
Julie: fuck you. Get out of my house
Bill: I pay for this house. (O my… I have pulled that one before… lets just say that, my left nut has finally descended to where it belongs)
Julie: Fuck you… for what you put into this shit hole.. get out asshole

Doors slam… stuff gets thrown onto the front lawn. And Bill gets into his always spotlessly clean SUV and pulls out of the driveway with Julie in chase. Best part is she runs into the path of the spotlessly clean SUV and forces Bill to stop. She reefs open the door and proceeds to yell at the top of her lungs.

Julie: Hey Bill… are you forgetting something
Bill: Mumble… mumble…
Julie: where is your fucken dog… your forgetting the dog… Maybe he could sit up here with you… (She starts to pat the seat…. Fuck.. I did everything in my power to keep from laughing).

Then Bill with the door wide open peals off, the door slams and off he goes.

Wife and I just go back into the bed room and start to laugh. Now I understand that we do not wish this on anybody… but when two beautiful people give the impression that they live in a perfect little world and then all hell breaks loose. You have to laugh. But wait its not over…We hear some screeching tires. So the lights get shut off, and we proceed into the bathroom again… He is back. O this should be good.

Door opens… door slams… can hear some thumping… He better not be hitting her… cuz that is the last thing that he would have done… I don’t stand for that. Verbal and emotional abuse are one thing… they don’t leave marks. Right babe!!!

Doors slam and he gets back into the spotlessly clean SUV (Sans Dog) and drives off.

So Julie then gets into her car, that happened to be parked on the street and pulls it into the driveway. But… she parks in such a way that Bill cannot pull the spotlessly clean SUV in. Good for you Julie… good for you.

So off to bed I go… and this morning wife tells me that, Bill showed up again about 130… went into the house… got Julies Keys, moved her car and pulled the spotless clean SUV into the driveway… Wife tells me that the fighting continued….i don’t know I was asleep

Ahh I am so glad that I am redneck.

So to continue the story a little further. A few weeks back. Julie was out back with the dog and we started talking. And she mentioned that her and Bill where going to sell the house and move into something bigger. So… Wife and I have some redneck plans for the day of the open house.

1: Going to borrow wife’s dad’s pick me up truck. (1992 Ford ranger, that has seen better days). Going to put a tarpaulin in the back and fill it with water and have a BBQ to celebrate our new pool with the rest of the redneck relatives.

2: I am going to pull a Homer Simpson. I am going to get a kiddie pool, put it on the front lawn, case of beer and a Speedo. A 6’2 280 lb man in a Speedo in the front lawn…Try to sell that house bitch

3: Gonna get an RV. A-La Randy Quad in Christmas vacation. “Shitters Full”

4: I have some deer antlers. That I think would look outstanding hung on the front door. (We live in a townhouse and Bill and Julie share a Portch with us)

5: I am going to buy and hang a confederate flag in my bedroom window.

6: Christmas lights. Coming down… I think not… I think that they will even be on.

So what need from all of you.. is some additional options for a little redneck open house revenge.

I love being the neighbourhood redneck.

VPL….WHY!!!

2005-05-27T11:44:00.000-04:00

Okay… let me qualify that statement by saying. That I really enjoy looking at woman… (What I just noticed is that I seem to qualify all my blogs… do I feel guilty… no… am I worried about offending… no… do I feel that I have to… yes… why… I don’t know)

I don’t care what they look like… I have this gift for seeing positive things about woman. My wife. She does not care that I look.. (Does not matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home. Except Stripper Sex… I'm not allowed the loving after coming back from the strippers.. However… my wife and her double standards has.. more then once jumped me when returning from a girls night out.)

My wife has even commented on the fact that I will eye up a woman that is not hot in the classic sense. But there is something about the woman that I find interesting and even appealing.

Which now leads me to my point. With spring firmly in place and the clam diggers, skirts, High heals and Sandals coming out and the jackets leaving. This is some advice that I must provide to all the woman of the world… (Except for the ones that wear burkas most of the time).

Please make sure that your Panties fit!!!! That’s it. Its not really that hard. If you insist on wearing panties that are to small. Make them t-bars. I mean come on… I find nothing more disturbing then seeing the panties clearly entrenched in the skin of your ass with the remainder trying to escape. That cannot be comfortable. I am thinking about you here!!! I know that they make t-bars for you big boned woman. I know.. I know.. they are uncomfortable. Well ask yourself. Are panties that are cutting off the circulation to your lower legs comfortable? Keep that up and in 10 years… your gonna be bitching about the purple spider veins that you have. Then you will look back and read this and you will be saying to your self… I should have listened to the fat kid… he knew what he was talking about.

Now understand that I am not telling you that you have to wear t-bars. Although there is nothing more sexy that getting a glimpse of the top of your t-bar. Now I said the top… I do not find it sexy when you wear your low rise jeans with your high rise panties. Please pick your panties wisely.

Yes. Panties are optional. I really enjoy wondering as I watch you walk by in your white clam diggers and your strap-ie sandals, if in fact you are wearing panties or not.

If you really think that t-bars are going to be a problem and insist on wearing granny gitch. Make sure that they fit. Last years panties with this years ass… not a good match. Panties should not be tight… they should fit, and do what they are meant to do.

Another option for you … men’s boxers. I know a woman that when she is not going out to meat men (Yes that was spelt that way on purpose) she wears men’s fitted briefs. She says that they do what they are supposed to do… and look no pantie lines. There you go… another option.

The last bit of advice that I am going to give post Victoria day and pre memorial day is your shoes. Please make sure that they fit. Nothing more disgusting to me, is seeing your toes hang over the edge of your shoes. Get the size bigger. No body but you knows the size. Your feet should look pretty in the shoes. Not like you got the last pair of shoes at the BOGO sale. If you shoes fit your feet will look nice. Not like they are stuffed into a sausage casing. Lastly, please make sure that your feet look good. If they do not.. wear closed shoes. That’s all I ask… I do not like to look at crusty and narky feet. Put those things away.
Peace out… and have a great weekend.

Family With the Touch.

2005-05-25T09:53:00.000-04:00

Okay… Let me start by saying that I Love my Out-Laws to death. They are very wonderful people.

That Said. I have never met a group of people that could kill a computer faster then a Virgins First time in a whore house.
I'm not kidding. I mean kill it. They don’t have the best computer, and it is getting on in years… However up to now I have always been able to save it. (I'm not giving up on it. “ Your not gonna die on my watch… Live damn it LIVE”)

So this past weekend we had plans to go and visit. And the BIL (Brother in Law) calls and says that he is pretty sure that he has a virus and needs me to rebuild his computer (Now this is a second computer in the house) Sure… not problem. So simple questions… You have everything that you need. Drivers for the video card and stuff. “Yes… I have everything right here.” Perfect. I will bring my OS and office.. and everything that is needed to get your computer up and running. So we get there… my geek tools in tow. We say our hellos and I head down to the apartment and begin the task of rebuilding his pc. Standard stuff… Fdisk…. Format c:/q you know all the geek stuff. Now I am ready to go. I load windows 2000. and Guess what. His video card is not PNP. Are you fucken kidding me. What video card is not PNP. Okay BIL.. where are the drivers for the video card. UH… Driver…what are those. For fuck sakes… here we go… Never mind… I will just install the internet and go to the ATI website and DL the drivers. Now this is where the story gets really good. The ISP will not install the software on any resolution less then 800x600… Are you fucken kidding me. How am I supposed to get the drivers… no problem. GIL (Girlfriend in law) says that she has XP Pro at home and she will get it… So I am thinking that XP will have the drivers for this card. GIL gets back… and says that… you will have to get the key yourself.. its not a legit copy. No problem… This is what I do…

So I head upstairs to the computer upstairs and go. Walk into the office and the SIL is in there. I tell her that I need to use the computer. She says sure. Then I notice that she is in Safe mode. What the hell. Why are you in safe mode. I don’t know.. WTF. So I reboot the computer and guess what it will not start. Are you fucken kidding me. So I ask what did you do to the computer. “Nothing… it worked yesterday” Then why where you in safe mode… Of course she runs out of the room. Mean while.. my wife talks to her.. and SIL tell her that she uninstalled all the games because she was tired of playing them. Now this is the girl that is handicapped, with a Severe case of OCD. So when it comes to her game of Sim’s 24 hours in a day are not quite enough. She knew that something was up…. Mind you… my FIL thinks that the Sims somehow kills the computer. So stepping into SIL head for a second. O no… there is a problem with the computer… so if I uninstall the Sim’s everything will be fine.

So thinking that I am the smart guy… the last time I rebuilt this computer (Jan 28th, 2005)… I made sure that I set a restore point. Thinking that I outsmarted everybody… I start in safe mode and fire up the restore program. Ahh the computer restores itself. But will not boot because of the anti-virus. No problem… I restart in safe mode, uninstall the anti-virus and the computer then reboots. However. During the reboot process. All these errors. This program died… that program died. GP fault (Blue screen of death). How do these people do so much damage to a computer. I ask you.. I Know what it is… But no body listens to the fat kid. I spent 3 years in school for computer science. But the Out-Laws listen to the Hair dresser who owns a computer. “I never shut down my computer. I leave it connected to the internet all the time… I never have problems.” What she fails to tell them is her son also went to school for computer science. So she has live in Tech Support.

So that’s how my weekend went. Fat kid goes unheard again… but is somehow responsible for fixing SIL's mistakes.

Somebody tell me how… To get it through my families head that… downloading stuff off the internet is bad. Free programs are not free… they cost you spy-ware and viruses. Shut off your computer at night… I'm not building a server. Just a work station.. Windows does maintenance during the shut down process. But again… what do I know.. 3 years in school cuz I was board and got sick of drinking beer at home!!!!

So I now have to spend the next few evenings rebuilding this fucken PC. And its not even the PC that I needed to rebuild.

Lord grant me the serenity……..and you all know the rest.

Thanks to my wife for stroking my back during this process… cuz I would have owed the Outlaws a new computer and probably an office window.

Public Apology.

2005-05-20T12:04:00.000-04:00

So I write my blog for the day, (See below) and my friend tells me that, my wife is not happy with me.. I'm lost… she tells me to read her blog. So I do… then it hits me. I am an ass.

Never have I realised how much I take for granted. The fact that I get up every day. The fact that I have a job, and the fact that I have such a loving wife.

Reading her blog, I have discovered that all the bitching that she does about my choice in TV or radio programming really does piss her off. My wife and I bitch at each other about stupid things and a loving and playful manor. So I always just shrugged it off as such.

I'm sorry for that. I will attempt to respect your feelings more.

The thing about playing on the computer. I am sorry for that. I know that when ever you say that you going to go use the computer, I have a semi meltdown… I am sorry for this. Let me explain my reasoning for this. When you get home, you do come and say hi to me and talk about your day. And you tell me that you are going to use the computer. This upsets me because, I just want to spend some time with you. We both have two jobs and hobbies. And I just want to be close to you. That’s all. And when you tell me that you are going upstairs… truth be known… it hurts. I don’t know why but it does. I guess that I would rather you sit on the couch beside me doing nothing with me, then being apart from you. For this I am sorry… I do understand that you need down time, and some time alone.. I can respect that, I do have to learn that you need this on your terms not on mine. For this I am sorry.

I am a fool. I love you. Know that you are in my thoughts 24 hours a day.

My darling Wife. I love you. And cherish every minute that we are together and miss you every minute that we are apart!

PS.

Would a Gerry Can under the Christmas tree be wrong?

Think before you Panic!!

2005-05-20T10:43:00.000-04:00

Well with all the seriousness in the world, I thought that I should express some words of wisdom to the people that read my blog… I am not implying that I am in any position to be providing wisdom to the masses… but I have learned a few things along the way… and I thought that I should share them with you… just encase you come across the same issues that I have.

1: Think before you Panic.
Yes always good advice. Why…well it started this morning. I have gotten into the habit if laying cable in the mornings… Which allows me to have a shower and go to work somewhat clean, until the wet fart that I tend to have at about 11am. But I digress.

So this morning I am “Laying” a nice bit of cable. Playing Yathzee. (It’s the dice game… we have a hand held version in the Bathroom, its better the reading) So I finish, both projects… wondering if my day is going to be as miserable as my score. I go in for a wipe and (I am checker… pop does not bother me… Puke… well that’s a different blog) the TP is red… fuck me… why is my ass bleeding. That’s not good… so grabbing more TP. i get a second opinion . Yup … its definitely red. So being first thing in the morning and my head not yet de-hazed. “Babe, I think that I should go to the hospital.. my ass is bleeding and my shit is red” and my level headed wife yells from the bedroom. “We had a beet salad with dinner last night….Moron” Thinking back…. Yes we indeed did have a beet salad for dinner…I'm a fucken idiot. So there are beets left over and I plan on having them for lunch. So tomorrow… I'm not gonna panic.

2: Pride is our National Heritage.

I really do not think truer words have ever been spoken. Nuf Said

3: Love makes Burdens Lighter; because you divide them
Love makes Joy more intense; because you share them

Just a friendly reminder. Please do not take things for granted. The love of a spouse, the love of a child, the love of a parent, the love of a friend, the love of a pet. Cherish every one of these things. Life is short. Stop and hold open the door for the little old lady that you past in the parking lot on the way to the bank. Look somebody in the eye and say “Good Morning, afternoon, Evening, good night” and mean it. As hard as it may be. Try to see the good in people. (I am such a bad person. (L) you know what I am talking about)

4: Your not as fat as you imagine

Other then the health concerns with being overweight. Who the fuck cares! Not me.

5: Try not to worry about the future.

You can worry, but understand that worrying is as affective as cutting the lawn with garden sheers. You know that eventually you will be finished. But buy the time that you finish, your past will have slipped buy. The real troubles in your life are likely to be things that never crossed your worried mind.

6: Get to know your parents.

You never know when they will be gone.

7: Enjoy your youth

You will never understand the power of youth, until your knees are shot!

8: Cherish

Remember that the race is long, sometimes your ahead, sometimes your behind, but in the end. It is only with yourself.

9: Friends

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

This is all I have to offer for this idle Friday. For my Canadian brethren. Enjoy the long weekend.

Cheers… Peace Out!

Mars has only just moved beyond Uranus

2005-05-19T15:10:00.000-04:00

This is the first line of my Horoscope today....
OMG... What a way to start an afternoon...

I guess even all the mystics in the world have a sense of humor

a good piece?!?

2005-05-18T11:52:00.000-04:00

I was watching the baseball game last night, and Vernon Wells hit a low and outside pitch the opposite way into right field for a single. The announcer commented that this was "a good piece of hitting." What the fuck is that supposed to mean?I have heard announcers use this phrase for years and it makes no sense. A good piece of hitting? Really? And what piece was that? Dumbass It's a hit, not a piece of one.

A good piece of shitting… yes I can see that… We have all been in the position where we are not able to complete the job, For what ever reason. So the entire loaf has not come out… Therefore it is a good piece of shitting (However having to stop early is never good). Had I finished laying cable. Well the statement would then be again wrong.

I think the next time an announcer uses that phrase; he should be beat. And whoever is lucky enough to inflict the pain. Don’t for get to ask “Was that a good Piece of Ass Kicking”

Are you kidding Me??

2005-05-17T08:48:00.000-04:00

Okay. So I watching the news this morning. And they showed the couple that won the 25 million over the weekend. A cute little Asian couple that came to Canada 18 years ago. Then they started talking. This is where I lost it. You have been in Canada for 18 years. Learn the Language. Not even a hint of English. Are you fucken kidding me. If I moved to your country. First off. I would continue letting you eat rover. Second. I would be expected to learn the language.

NEW RULE: NO ENGRISH…NO CHEQUE.

I have decided. You forfeit. Gimmie my cheque back bitch!!

I have become a believer!

2005-05-16T12:02:00.000-04:00

Not that I have never believed. But I have always hedged on the side of sceptical. Until now. This weekend my wife and I (I guess) hosted a Psychic Sunday. Joan was a medium that came highly recommended by a friend. So there was 10 of us… mostly family. And the party started with a phone call from Joan. She we lost and could not find the house. Lol Great start!

But we continued. She set herself up in our guest bedroom. Clock, glass of water, and her Tarot cards. There was one sceptic in our midst and in a group of 10. that is to be expected. But lets not deal with her! She is dead on the inside. Lol (That one is an inside joke)

So my sister in law goes up. 30 min pass and se comes down in tears. Not bad tears. So she sees a move, and kids and a husband. (Yea right. Again another blog) but she said something that pretty much sent shivers down our spins. She told her that the sugery that she had planed. Not to do it. It was a bad idea and life threatening. Okay. How would she know that?

Joan 1 – Sceptic 0

Next my mother. Out of the entire group, my mother was the only one to receive bad news. (Again another blog) but she asked my mother about a Jack. How is there a Jack in your life.
Mom – Jack was my neighbour he passed about 3 years ago
Joan – No. That’s not it.
Mom – I don’t know another Jack
Joan – He was here before. But it was not the right time. He is coming back and he is brining Alexander
Mom – My son is planning on naming his first child Jack
Joan – Yes Jack is coming back and bringing Alexander with him.
Now you have to understand that both my wife and I have twins in the family and they have not been present for a couple of generations.

Joan 2 – Sceptic 0

Next me. Now the tough part about the reading is that she give you so much information so quickly that, you do not have a chance to process everything, and ask questions about what she has told you. But I process as much as I can in the time allotted to me.
The reading starts with me giving Joan my wedding band, and shuffling the tarot, with my left hand breaking the stack into three piles. Then Joan tells me to pick a pile, I pick one, and she removes it, okay… now pick another pile, I do, and she removes this one as well…okay ..but I like that pile. So she now takes the remaining pile and begins my reading. Cards start coming out, flying all over the place… piles here piles there… I'm lost. She pulls a castle out. Puts it down and asks me how long we have been in this house.. I tell her. Next card, death card…
Joan - Your moving.
Me – are you sure.
Joan - Yes very soon.
Okay… that’s fine. Cards keep flying
Joan – Are you going out west.
Me – Yes, I have to go there for work in the next month or so.
Joan – No. your moving there.
Me – no.. its only going to be for a week.
Joan – No your moving there.
Me – I don’t want to move out west. I like it here.
Joan – It will be for work and it will be the correct decision. It will be for 5-6 years and it is the right thing to do.
Me- Okay
Joan – are you expecting another child.
Me – no we don’t have any
Joan – You did… but it was not the right time. Jack is coming back and bringing an Alex.
(Granted, my mother may have said something However Joan did not know that She was my mother)
Joan – when you go on this trip. Look and listen with different eyes and ears
Me – Okay
Joan – There will be an older man. 15-20 years your senior. He will provide guidance and insight. Listen to him he is wise.
Me – Okay
Then right off on a tangent.
Joan – Do you know a Tom, Tommy, Thomas.
Me – Yes
Joan – Do you respect him
Me – Yes
Joan – Listen to what he has to say.
Okay, the only Tom that I have in my life is my father in law. No way that she could have know that.
Joan – Your pregnancy will be good. Your children will be healthy. Your wife will have no problems.
We will have to see what develops. Currently there is nothing that would move me to BC. Permanently. Twins would be nice. Twin boys.. even better. But Alex… I don’t know if I like that name… I guess that I could be a middle name.

Joan 3 – Sceptic 0

Next my father. I am not going to go into great detail. But the just of it is as follows

You will be getting legal papers coming with money. With this money.. DO not give any money to anybody to invest. If you do.. you will loose it all.
Your parents are happy. Your father passed away calmly and slowly. Your mother died suddenly. A blood clot. That went to her heart or lungs.. which is true.
There will be somebody that you are close to.. they will try to prevent a move. Do not let them prevent the move. The move is the best thing. You have to let it happen.
She also saw Australia. Okay first… there are about 2 people that know my dad’s connection to Australia. Me and my mom. When his parents immigrated they where accepted to go to Australia. It was a last minute phone call from my great aunt that allowed my grandparents to move to Canada.

Joan 4 – Sceptic 0

My wife. OMG. Again let me begin, Joan did not know the connection between the two of us.. she had never met us. The house was full when she got there. No idea who anybody was. But her reading went something like this.
You and your husband. You met by accident. (which is true. There is no reason that we should have met) Your guides brought you together. And some people looking from the outside would say that you have a perfect marriage. When Jack came the first time.. you where not ready.. and it was not the right time. He is coming back and he is bringing Alex with him. (She knew about the miscarriage) and again she did not know who the we are together. Then she then told my wife that she would be moving west. That she did not want to move west. But she had to… it was the right thing to do. Then she asked if she had a connection to the movies. And yes she does… and she sees my wife doing that. That is where she belongs. (How the hell did she know that.) Another thing. She told my wife that the twins will be completely different. One will be musical and artistic (That’s my wife) and the other one will be mathematical and technical (That’s me) Again no way to know that… she has no idea who we are as people.

Joan 5 – Sceptic 0

To many things where said yesterday to be coincidental. To many names and places. 3 people where told about a move to the west. 3 people where told about twins. I don’t know what to think about this.. I don’t know how I should feel. I have been racking my brain about what would get me out to BC. I have come up with some scenarios. I get a new job and they offer me a transfer. My company buys our competitor and move me out to BC. Our competitor buys us, and ships me out to BC. Is my father in law the older man that will guide me. Will the bad news that my mother got be realised. Will I have twins. You know that if we do have twins that one of them will have to be named Alex. The strangest thing that happened all day, was that she asked everybody if they knew a Sally or Marge. That she had a Sally and Marge, that they did not belong to her, but they had a message to share. Nobody knows either one. But when she came down.. the dog… who loves everybody… would not go near her. The dog would cower, and look through her! It was the craziest thing I have ever seen.
I am excited that things will work out well for my and my family. I am stressed about the move and a little excited. I am really excited about the prospect of having twins.

I will keep you posted of the outcomes…

Cheers

Good F*&#’n Choice.

2005-05-13T13:08:00.000-04:00

If you have read some of my other blogs… you know what I am talking about.

What I really want to know is whybad things happen to good people. I know that we all have our crosses to bear. But sometimes it does not seem fare.

Issues #1: Our fertility. I have discussed this before. So I am not going to go on an on about this one… but for Christ’s sake… nuf said.

Issue # 2 We have some friends that are the most wonderful people in the world. But they have some issues. First off, our friend has MD. She has had it for about 12 years. She is outstandingly optimistic. She has two beautiful children, and been blessed with a man. (And I have to give him all the credit in the world because, knowing the situation with his wife, he stepped up to the plate, married her and now also has two beautiful children, and personally, I do not know if I would have had the stones.) Now the kick in the nards. About a month ago, he was diagnosed with melanoma. Are you fucken kidding me.

Issue # 3 My grandparents. My Grandmother died suddenly of a blood clot that moved into her lungs. It was a shock, but the Dr’s told us that there was no suffering. When that happens, the person does not even realise that they are no longer taking in O2. They breath just as normal, like nothing is wrong and slowly fall asleep due to a lack of O2. My grandfather, he went into the hospital because he was having stomach problems. Guess what Stomach Cancer. So I got to watch him die slowly of starvation. He died 6 months before I got married.
As a result I got this tattoo from Peel my wife thinks that it is skid. But I don’t care… I got it so that I remember every loved one that I have ever lost.

Issue # 4 A good friend of my wife and I is having some heath problems. Currently in the process of going through MRI’s and other testing for MS. Are you fucken kidding me. This woman has been through so much in her life that. This really is just not fare.. I mean come on now. I really want to know what you are thinking. What makes you think that this is funny; that you can do this to this woman. Have you not challenged her enough? How much will you make this woman and her family bear, before you have had your laugh and decide to pick on somebody else. She had to go to the Dr. yesterday to get results. But I cant get a hold of her. I know in my heart that it is not MS. But I need to hear it from her!

Issue # 5 My best friend, was in a car accident. Not his fault. He was rear ended. Point being. This guy, just got his degree (Well his second; lol but that’s a different blog, lets just say that he should be a Dr. by now) just starting a career, and now this. So as a result of the accident, his back Is just fucked. So guess what.. he cant stand for more then 20 – 30 min at a time, and sitting… 60-90 min tops before he has to lie down.

Issue # 6 My moms Breast Cancer… the 100 times my father has been unemployed… my diabetes… my other grandmothers TIA and quadruple bypass…. My other grandfather’s bladder cancer.

I am sure that you have some divine plan for us all, and I am sure that bad things happen to bad people. But come on now… I really think that you think that this funny. I don’t ask for much… just pick on somebody else’s life. We all need a break. My loving wife has a theory that, maybe this is easy… maybe we are getting a break. If she is right… I feel sorry for the for the rest of you… and I would like to take this opportunity to apologise for your difficult life cuz I have it so easy. I know that life is not supposed to be easy, unless your name is Gates or Hilton. All I am asking is that you leave us alone for a little while. Take a break…have a kit kat..

If anybody has the big guys direct line… let me know… I need to schedule a meeting!!!

Sunday is Psychic Sunday. My wife has hired a tarot/palm/item reader and having a few friends over to take part in the festivities. I cant wait to see what she has to say about me. I will keep you posted on Monday..

Here is to an uneventful weekend.

What’s it like not to be in Pain?

2005-05-12T15:52:00.000-04:00

The reason that I am writing this blog is simple. I would like to know what it is like to live without pain. I really don’t know what that is like. I'm not even sure if I hurt any more or if I have just become numb to the pain.

I am not that old. 31. I don’t know what 31 is supposed to feel like. I do know that it is nothing like 21.

I grew up playing sports of all sorts, never having any concerns with my body. I was never afraid to take on the biggest line backer. Or take a fastball off the hip… or a line drive off the nards. And to this day… I still play baseball, and have been known to come home with the word Spalding or Cooper firmly imprinted on my shin. I was also born with two bones missing from my ankles. So my ankles move north and south, but not east and west. So what this means is that my feet, knees, hips, and back are always out of alignment. Which results in chronic pain.

Now when I get up in the morning. Well I always hurt. I have to hobble down the stairs until my joints begin to warm up… only then can I stand upright and walk normally.

I find it funny when I see the commercials for pain relievers.. “My Wrists are on fire” Get over yourself… Who uses a typewriter anymore to start with. And your friend Sally. If all she offered me was aspirin, well lets just say that bottle would be placed firmly in her ass sideways!... aspirin. Fuck me. What’s that gonna do. More then likely its just gonna upset my stomach!... Bitch.

Or the wooden dancing manikins. You’re a freaken manikin. You have no muscles. You know what hurts … the puppeteers arms from holding your sorry ass up… so you can date your little girlfriend and hopefully stick that splinter dick in her woody little box. Come on now… you know what would hurt… a lit match stuffed up your but… then come and talk to me about your pain Smokey!!!

“I'm old and I have bladder control problems. I wear adult diapers” Big fucken deal. You know what sucks… when you think that you have wiped properly (The TP was clear) then about halfway thought the day… you get that familiar burn. So you head off to the bathroom for another inspection.. Dark coloured boxers where a bad idea. So you go in for a second opinion, and low and behold, more shit. I wanna know where the hell it came from… not two hours ago, my ass was clean. Fuck you and your diapers. Your retired… you can shower every time you shit yourself…

That brings me to the Dr. Scholl’s gel inserts, if some little shit hit a baseball through my bay window, then through my new plasma TV… and he came to the door and told me… “You must be gel’n” the first thing would be… listen here kid… you have about 2 seconds to come up with 20k. or your gonna be in a world of hurt. I’m not gel’n i have just swallowed my own heart….and a soon as it back where it belongs… I am going to make you eat every shard of glass that is lying on the floor. Then you’ll know what Gel’n is when you try to shit 6 pounds of glass.

So bottom line… If anybody can tell me what it is like to be pain free… just drop me a line and let me know!

Cheers

This is Why Nobody likes you!!

2005-05-12T09:28:00.000-04:00

Okay… from the title of my blog. I’ll bet that you are assuming that I am going to bash an individual. Well I am not. I am going to bash an entire society. That right and entire group of people are going to be the target of this blog.

The Americans. That’s right I said it. And I am sure that the FBI has some sort of web crawler looking for anti-american statements that will result at me getting a knock at my door in the next few days. But I really don’t care. I think that this has to be said. So here goes.

I was listening to the radio this morning. And they started talking about this woman who has moved to china. She has started some sort of movement… the movement is that the Chinese should stop eating dogs because it is wrong. She is attempting to get the Chinese to realise that dogs can be pets. And I was driving and thinking sure what ever. Then it hit me. This is why no body likes americans. Because you are all arrogant. You insist on forcing your will on the rest of the world. The Chinese have been eating dog meat for thousands of years, and what right do you have to change that just because you feel that sparky is a companion not a side dish. Get over yourself move back to america, and worry about how many pop tarts and re-runs of pokey-mon your fat assed kids are watching. You know what; you think that eating dog is wrong, but I am sure that the Chinese think that a 4 year old with Lazy-e-boy permanently etched on their backside is wrong. But you don’t get it.

What would happen if all the jews suddenly started movements. Don’t eat pork… omg what would you do if you could not have your pork rinds. As an american, you would run these people right out of town. Because its your right to eat pork. But when you think something is not right.. well we better change it.

This is why people attack america. Do people attack Canada. No.. why… because we don’t care. You wanna eat dog. Fuck have at it. Put some gravy and cheese curds on it and serve it with an ice cold spicy Ceaser and… hell I might even give it a shot.

Perfect example… the war of 1812… what happened. The Canadians pushed you back beyond Washington and burned down your capital. After you finished running away, we packed up and came home. Not because we did not want to fight, but because the ice was melting and coaches corner was coming on. And no red blooded Canadian wants warm beer and to miss Don’s jacket and tie.

Do you think that we need to pay 85 cents a litre for gas, or show my passport to come home. No, we have to because you just won’t leave well enough alone. I don’t think the Iraqis want democracy, I think they where happy the way things used to be. But… no… you have a draft dodging, bible thumping fuck, with a short man complex that needs to fight.

Just pack up… bring all your boys home… and live and let live.

And for those FBI agents reading this. My name is JOE.. and I AM CANADIAN!!!!

Dare To Dream

2005-05-11T14:01:00.000-04:00

Dare To Dream!

Okay Its Wednesday And the Super 7 is sitting at 25 million. O my god. What I would do with 25,000,000.00$

I could not imagine what I would do with that money. I do have a plan. I have put together an excel file, so if it where ever to happen, I would just go to the bank with my little file and say… give me certified cheques written to the following people for the following amounts. Then in my shiny new car. I would personally deliver the cheques to each one of the people on my list.

I could sleep till noon every day.. I could go anywhere at any time First Class!!!! No more rubbing my pennies together hoping that they will multiply. I don’t think that I would build a house. I think that I might buy one on the lakeshore in Burlington or Oakville. I would talk to the woman that bought my wife’s Grandmothers home in Minden, and I would give her double what she paid for it. Then I would Pay the pole’s Dad to go up and fix it. Possibly add an addition, but I would want the base of the cottage to reaming the same. Build a boat house for my Sea-doo’s. Who knows what I would do… I just won 25,000,000.00$. Below you will find the list. Some of the names have been removed to prevent the whole “why did they get more then me” You know what… bottom line. Be grateful that you are getting anything. I could take my windfall and disappear for 2 years. If I was lucky enough to win tomorrow night (Which both my wife and I know that it will not happen, we where meant to toil this time around. Who knows, maybe my next life will be different) So the list that I have attached has the names removed to protect the innocent and keep me from hearing the bull shit.

Mom & Dad D
Gift
$2,500,000.00
$2,500,000.00
Mom & Dad T
Gift
$2,500,000.00
$5,000,000.00

Gift
$100,000.00
$5,100,000.00

Gift
$100,000.00
$5,200,000.00

Gift
$50,000.00
$5,250,000.00

Gift
$100,000.00
$5,350,000.00

Gift
$100,000.00
$5,450,000.00

Gift
$50,000.00
$5,500,000.00

Gift
$500,000.00
$6,000,000.00

Gift
$150,000.00
$6,150,000.00

Gift
$50,000.00
$6,200,000.00

Gift
$50,000.00
$6,250,000.00

Gift
$50,000.00
$6,300,000.00
RRSP Locked In to age 65
$500,000.00
$6,800,000.00

Gift
$50,000.00
$6,850,000.00

Gift
$50,000.00
$6,900,000.00

Gift
$200,000.00
$7,100,000.00

Gift
$400,000.00
$7,500,000.00

Cottage and fix
$600,000.00
$8,100,000.00

Gift
$100,000.00
$8,200,000.00

Mortgage
$200,000.00
$8,400,000.00

Gift
$500,000.00
$8,900,000.00

Gift
$150,000.00
$9,050,000.00

Wifes Cars
$500,000.00
$9,550,000.00

My cars
$1,000,000.00
$10,550,000.00

Boat
$250,000.00
$10,800,000.00

Gift
$150,000.00
$10,950,000.00

Gift
$25,000.00
$10,975,000.00

Gift
$150,000.00
$11,125,000.00

Gift
$100,000.00
$11,225,000.00

Gift
$300,000.00
$11,525,000.00

Gift
$50,000.00
$11,575,000.00

Misc
$20,000.00
$11,595,000.00

House
$400,000.00
$11,995,000.00

Gift
$25,000.00
$12,020,000.00

Gift
$25,000.00
$12,045,000.00

Totals
Lottery
$25,000,000.00
$12,955,000.00

Yearly Interest on remainder
3% interest
$388,650.00

fun money interest only monthly basis
wife
50% - 50% tax
$8,096.88

me
50% - 50% tax
$8,096.88

You will also notice that there is about 8k a month… that money is based on the remaining funds after gifts have been given, assuming 3 % a year interest, split between my wife and I and removing 50% to give to the tax man.

No More People Food!!!!

2005-05-05T13:10:00.000-04:00

I Love My Dog… Honest. Okay, That said I also hate her at the same time. The story began last night when I got home. Let me start by saying that I generally come home at lunch time to let the dog out and have some lunch. Not because the dog expects it, (H) but because I live so close to home, and it saves me money eating at home. But yesterday I had a meeting scheduled with a potential client. Who never showed up. So I ran out at lunch, picked myself up a sandwich and had one of my water bottles filled. I was out for a total of 20 min, anticipating that the client was just running late. So 5 pm rolls around and I head home. I open the door, and usually when I get home, I can hear the dog going crazy in the cage, especially after an 8 hour stint. Nothing. And I am wonder what is wrong. So I go upstairs and what do I see, this 60 lb dog pressed as tightly as can be against the door with shit all over the place. I mean everywhere. And judging by the dryness of the shit. It happened not long after we left for work. On the wall, on the dresser, on the carpet, on her. I'm not mad. Obviously something has upset her stomach, (NO more people food, at all) and she is looking at me… “Daddy, please help me” and insuring that I do not kill her. (Let me stress this point again. I am not mad at the dog. I am just a little worked up because of the fact that there is shit everywhere. I at this point I am contemplating getting back in my car, and hiding around the corner until my wife got home, and let her deal with it.) So I take off my work cloths, put some sweats on, then I let the dog out. And anybody with a dog or a child knows, that when you are covered in shit in a confined space and suddenly released, the first thing that must be done is jump up on your savour and ensure that you thoroughly thank them. So now… I have a bedroom that is covered in shit, a dog that is covered in shit, and a myself, that is covered in shit. Wonderful. Not what I wanted to come home to. So I take the dog outside. And suddenly I am great full that I put the fence up on Sunday. So I wonder upstairs to assess the damages. Not good. The only saving grace is that most of the shit was on the floor of the cage. So cleaning most of it up.. I was able to hose the rest of the shit down the drain in the shower. So now the clean up begins. Clean up as much shit as I can, and grab the carpet cleaner. And start scrubbing. Then my wife comes home. I love her to death. Comes up stairs and asks me what I am doing. “Well babe I'm cleaning shit” What happened she asks. “Well babe, I thought that it would be fun if is shit on the dogs head… what do you think happened” Are you mad she continued to question. “Are you fucken kidding me. I'm not mad. But cleaning up dog shit is not one of favourite hobbies… come on now” Well where is the dog… “Well she was so covered in shit. It was easer just to flush her then to clean her up…she is outside… where do you think she would be.” My wife has been really stressed lately and for some reason it has made her retarded. Don’t ask me why… but her IQ in the last 2 weeks has gone from 130 to 13. So I am scrubbing and she proceeds to go down stairs and get the dog. When she lets the dog in, I hear a scream. I have finished cleaning up shit at this point. So I go down stairs and my loving wife proceeds to tell me that the dog is covered in shit and she needs a bath. “Are you fucken kidding me. I thought that if I left her outside long enough that the shit fairies would come and whisk the shit away. Giving her a bath is on my list of things to do. Right up there with cleaning shit off the walls” that’s right I said that. She is retarded. 13 I tell you 13. So I give the dog a bath… I am tired and frustrated. It is now 630 and this whole event started at 5… so I'm in no mood to clean any more. So I leave the bathroom the way that it was… covered in hair… wet dog hair… Now the best part is my wife had not seen the bathroom yet. So I have a clean wet dog. We go downstairs and I start dinner. I am glad that it was just pasta. So I put the water on to boil. And I proceed to clean more shit. That’s right I had to still clean more. Today is garbage day. So I had to clean the litter, and the back yard. And take out the garbage. So I have been scrubbing, cleaning, scooping shit for almost 2 hours now. That said… dinner is ready.. I eat and put my feet up and relax, I have to go to ball at 8. so we are watching TV. And well it gets to be that time. I get ready to head up stairs to get changed. My loving wife tells me that she is going to go play on the computer. So we both waddle our fat asses up the stairs. I am now getting changed. And my wife.. Sees the state of the bathroom. You should have seen her face. I wish I had a camera… it was priceless. But you see I am now changed and ready to go… So I proceed to start laughing… cuz I'm out here. I cleaned shit for 2 hours… ill be damned if I am ready or in the mood to clean a bathroom. I kissed my wife good bye, and as I am leaving the bedroom, she is preparing herself for cleaning the bathroom, and with a snicker in my voice. “Babe, the bistel is in the other bathroom, could you empty it… its full of shit” OMG if looks could kill. So I ran down the stairs and went to ball. We had a good laugh about everything when I got home. I was told how long it took to clean the bathroom. Ect… my retort was… you know how long I was cleaning shit for. And we then went to bed.

So now I get up this morning. And discover that my dog still has the shits..

And that’s where I am going to leave this blog. I HAVE BEEN CLEANING SHIT FOR TWO DAYS!!!

PS. My wife has finally started her own blog. http://www.socialworkerontheegde.blogspot.com/
The funning thing is that… her blog is about the same thing as mine.. so lets compare and see how the stories differ.

Cheers and here is to a poop free weekend.

Thoughts Via E-mail

2005-04-28T11:53:00.000-04:00

I know Two posts in one week.. But i got this in an e-mail... im not quite that old yet... but i am getting there...

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken back, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know. Old age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body -- the wrinkles, the baggy eyes. And often I am taken back by the old person who lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long. I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4 a.m. and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50's, and if I at the same time wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get old. I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten and I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As one gets older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. Finally, my dear friends, be good to yourself and enjoy life.

What a week

2005-04-28T11:52:00.000-04:00

OMG what a freaking week. I don’t even know where to start this one. Lets see went to the Spunk Dr. on Tuesday. That was fun. So we showed up. Got in there… The first thing the receptionist tells us, is that there is 250$ non refundable deposit. That just started my meeting off well. Then we fill out about 4 forms each, and get to meet the dr. She was nice. I will give her that. Then more questions… you know what… this is DR. 4. My wife has been pregnant before… but things did not work out… which is fine, hard but fine. The thing is… when she got pregnant the first time, it was unplanned, we where using birth control (Withdrawal method). So after Krusty died, and 6 months went buy and no more pregnancy. Well Nobody would see us. That pisses me off… the continuously told us that we had to have been trying for a year before anybody would see us. Wonderful. In the mean time, I have made a personal donation to my dr. who then referred me to a second dr, who then referred us to a 3rd dr. who then referred us to a fourth. It has been since November 2003 when this whole thing started. And we are finally in to see a Dr. that can now do something for us. Why the hell could we have not seen this woman in the first place. So after the 250$ bomb. We have to do more tests. Test that we have both done already at least 4 times. The only difference in this round of tests is that my wife has to do an ultrasound to make sure that her plumbing is up to snuff. Why do we have to wait so long. Why did we have to wait so long. Now the best part. The costs. OMG… so we have our 250$ membership that we have to pay. Then if my next donation does not provide them with the information that they need, well the dr was so kind as to offer to do a special analysis. Which of course is not covered by OHIP at a cost of 200$. And I will bet you that my first donation does not give her the results that she needs… I will keep you posted. So we are up to 450$. And nothing has been done yet. Next… lets see. The fertility pills. They are taken for 5 days at a cost of about 10$ each. And most drug plans do not cover fertility drugs. So now we are up to 500$ still nothing done. Now if the wife’s plumbing is good. We could probably get buy with a sperm wash. (they separate the good from the bad and inject the good ones into the wife) now this is a cost of 400$. Nice. Now that puts us up to 900$. With no guarantees. Now the best part. Out membership only covers up to 6 attempts (Not including the cost of the procedures) so if things don’t work out so well, after 6 months.. we will have to get a new membership… so in 6 months.. we are looking at 2900$ nice. And if we then choose to proceed some more.. well there is another 250$. Nice. Now if plumbing is not right. And we have to do the whole test tube thing… well lets just say that we did not get the costs of that one. But the fertility shot for this procedure is 1000$ alone!!!! OMG… I know that kids are expensive to raise… but to have them… come on now.

What else happened that just made me enjoy this week to the fullest. Well last Friday I had to take me dog to the CNIB center (She is a dog that they have chosen to use in there breeding program) for her heartworm test. No problem. Gets me out of work a little early on Friday.. so I take her in… no problems… but on the way out some dog sets her off. Now this dog was outside… had no interaction with my dog in the least. But my dog just went off the deep end. No reason. I thought nothing of it… got her back into control and we went home. So on Tuesday I get a call from the woman that is in charge of the breeding program. So I call her back.. and on the phone she tells me that we have to bring the dog in for observation. Wont give me much detail about why, for how long, ect. Just that they want to see the dog for a couple of days. Now of course I am thinking the worst. OMG they are going to think that we are bad foster parents and they are going to take this dog away from us… now understand one thing. She is giving me very few details. So I have no idea what the hell is going on. And of course… this woman will not be there when we have to drop off the dog. And nobody knows what’s going on or can give me any kind of answer. So I'm loosing it. My wife (Bless her sole) is telling me that… worst case, they don’t feel that she is going to be used for the breeding program because of her attitude, which means that we will have to get her fixed and then she becomes our dog for good. I love her for trying. And I want to believe her. But of course I do not. I try to see the glass as half full, but its always half empty. You know the old saying… if there was not bad luck; well I would have no luck at all. So in the mean time I have sent off this e-mail to the woman. Just explaining how we feel, and behaviours that we have observed in the dog. Now she read this e-mail (I know this because outlook lets me do that). But still no reply… so she told me to call her on Wednesday afternoon. So here I am 1:18 on Wednesday afternoon (Not gonna post this till tomorrow) wanting to call her. But not wanting to sound needy. Fuck if it was up to me.. I would have called her at 1201. That’s afternoon right. So last night my wife had to go out for a couple of hours. (Her part time job so that we can have some money for this fucking procedure) and I am alone in the house… we have only had the dog well about 4 months now, and the house was empty… Even though I know that I am going to have to give her up for a week when she comes into heat and then 7 weeks when she is going to have the puppies… but you know what I am prepared for that… but this I was not prepared for. So I am sitting in the house, alone, and I realised how much a part of our lives this dog has become in such a short amount of time and how much I miss her… I'm not a bad foster parent honestly… I just wish that I could get some sort of answer as to what was going on. So I am setting here wondering where I am going to come up 2900$ and a dog. Sometimes its hard to be positive. So I am going to go home and have some lunch. Then I will call my wife like I do every day when I get back from lunch.. then I will Call the CNIB and see what the hell is going on. If I hear anything I will add it before I post tomorrow. Other wise wish me luck… and keep all fire arms out of my reach for the next couple of days!!

PS… my wife was correct about the dog.

Have a great weekend.

Thursday already.. That’s good. Right?

2005-04-21T13:50:00.000-04:00

Yet another blog day. I was thinking last night before I went to bed what I was going to write about, I had had some thoughts, but wouldn’t you know it. I forgot what I was going to write about. So I am sitting here at my desk being ever so productive, just contemplating life and wondering what the hell the purpose of life actually is, well my life… I really have no idea. Is my purpose to sit here at my desk for the next 34 years, take it up the ass and then retire. I really hope not. Cuz honestly I really have trouble sitting here for 8 hours a day, let alone for the next 70,720 hours. If that is the case, just end my suffering now. I look at the people that are on the system and some days I say to myself that they have the right idea. Why cant I sell my house, let the repo man come and get my cars, and just say fuck it. I will live in a small one bedroom apartment with my wife, two cats and dog, and just say fuck it, where is my cheque…get me a beer bitch, Ricky lake is coming on. Then the fact that I was raised never to quit, and never say die. I thank my parents for that, and at the same time loath them. It would be so much easer to say fuckit.

Is my life meant to be full of love the other 15.5 hours of the day that I am not sitting at my desk. Some days I think that it is, you know my wife will do something that makes me laugh or smile, and I say to myself. That’s awesome. After almost 10 years together she can still make me laugh and feel good. Then my niece will do something that makes me feel so full of love that I just know that I am currently here to love and protect her to the best of my abilities.

Then the 8.5 hours a day that I spend here… that’s another story. All the political bullshit that goes on here. My Ex boss, and his idol threats, because he is loosing power, and that is the only thing that he can hold on to. “You know… the hours here are 830 – 5 and you have been coming in at 835-840” You know what.. fuck off.. Send the e-mail to my boss… I don’t give a fuck… your redundant, you know it, I know it. Piss off and let me do my job my way. We all know that you could not do my job… but we also know that with minimal guidance I could do yours!!!! So take your idol threats, and go try to intimidate somebody that is actually afraid of you. I was not afraid of you when you where my boss, I am not afraid of you now and that pisses you off to no end. I think that it is time for you to move on. Nobody respects you.. the only reason that anybody appears to respect you. Is because we all know that you are a weasel, and we know that you would not hesitate to send off an e-mail saying that I am coming in late. Please let me win the super 7 tomorrow night. If I win, here is my plan. Invest in my current company. Give everybody in my office a 10k raise, fire my x boss, then sell my shares. Get in… do what needs to be done… get out…
So What to write about this Thursday. I am not sure

Yet another Thursday

2005-04-14T12:33:00.000-04:00

Well its Thursday again. And again not much going on in my life.

I have come to the conclusion that being broke really sucks. Pay off one thing only to have to throw money out on something else, its not throwing it out… but when we owned the condo… well we had some disposable income. But we wanted to upgrade, so we bought a house. And of course the bank gave us the mortgage. What the hell where they thinking. I thought that a 120k mortgage was a lot. But no…. sure we will give you 200k… assholes. If you know me… and most of you that read this do.. Why would anybody give me 200k. Not smart. Not that I am missing payments on anything… we will go without before missing any sort of payment. But the lack of disposable income is really disconcerting. But what can you do… My grandparents went though this… my parents went through it. And I guess now I am going though it. And I know that most of the people in the world go though it. Its just a huge shock when you go from an excess of disposable income to saving that last two dollars for your morning coffee on Thursday morning, knowing that it is only a few more hours till you get paid. I have come to the conclusion that… Well if I am willing to sacrifice for the next 15 years… well it will be worth it. That’s my goal. 15 years to pay off the house. But knowing me… as soon as there is any equity in my home.. we are going to want to upgrade again. Who knows. I'm just glad that I don’t have kids right now. Not for the lack of trying.

That’s really going to be my bone of contention this week. Kids. My wife being the social worker that she is, deals with high risk ut’s. She comes home and tells me that today some girl that is on the system wants to work, well good for her.. well then the problem. This kid has a grade 10 education, cant fill out a job application because she cannot read or write, and has nobody to watch her 2 kids and the one that is on the way. And she is 18. That’s when I look up to the heavens and say GOOD CHOICE GOD… AND WHAT ARE YOU FUCKEN THINKING.
I am not saying that my wife and I are deserving of kids. But come on now. At least we have jobs, and a home, and cars. Again GOOD CHOICE.
My wife and I now have to go to a fertility clinic in the next couple weeks. We have been trying for over a year… with little success. So after numerous donations. We have come to the conclusion that my sperm is lazy and immature. (Again for those who know me, there really is not a surprise there.) And you may say to your self. How can this man be okay with this. And I say to you. What can you do. k sera sera. I'm not entirely shooting blanks but my average of good sperm is between 12-22 and average is 24. So just a little below average. So one dr. tells me that a sperm wash will probably take care of business. For those of you that do not know what that is… well I have to make yet another donation, they then take the best swimmers and with a turkey baste-er put them where they need to be when my wife is ovulating. Okay so I have to make yet another donation. I'm okay with that. I really want to have children of my own. My worry is how much is this gonna cost me. We have been waiting for over 3 months to see this dr. and I hope to hell that she is going to be able to what needs to be done. I don’t know if I can wait another 3-4 months to see another dr.
Anyway wish us luck. And have a great weekend the weather is supposed to be great.

Cheers.

Very Deep Thoughts…. For a Man.

2005-04-08T13:25:00.000-04:00

A lot of strange things happened this week… first off… I found out that one of my friends has had enough with one of her friends.. and the friendship is finished. Now this has happened in the past.. and they always seem to patch things up… whether this happens is anybody’s guess. But the fact that it happened made me really take an inventory of life and friends. You know what I realised… I really don’t have many friends…I could probably count on one hand the number of true friends that I have. I don’t have friends at work.. I don’t think the people that I spend 40 hours a week with really need to be part of my life after 5. Maybe that limits my options but… there is (If I can quote) “Relationship George and Friendship George… the worlds should not meet”

I look at it and realise that I have a lot of acquaintances, and some of them I can even call up any time if I need their help. And you know what they would be there… not because they are friends but because they are just great people with big hearts… sometimes I may even take advantage of this. But I also realise that there are people that do the same thing to me so it works itself out in the wash.

I have some really good friends in my life… and I thank ALA for that. I have friends that I may not talk to for weeks, or even months then we get together for drinks and/or dinner and we have not skipped a beat. And looking at that type of relationship and say thanks to those people… it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that I have those types of friends in my life. And growing a little older I really should make more time for these people.

I have friends that are truly exhausting. I love them to death but I can only handle them in small doses… and only when there is a larger group to disperse some of the attention away from me and a one on one evening. Now I call them friends, because I can count on them for anything and they are always there when I need them.

I have friends that well… are always there. They are my best friends. The Go to Guys… the type of friend that will always return a call, maybe not today… but will always return the call… they are the type of friend that no matter how much of an asshole I can be, or inappropriate I am, they will always have my back and will still be there in the morning. My wife Included.

I have best friends that are best friends with my acquaintances. This is a very good thing to have… however the problem with this is it creates a ring. And this ring is very hard to break…not only is it hard to break.. its hard to get in. So unless you are strong spirited your gonna be on the outside looking in.

I have friends that are about themselves the feel that the have to brag for me to like them. But you know what… I liked you when you where poor, just remember that.

I look at my life and I realise that I am truly blessed for the friends that I have, I apologize to the people that could be friends, but because I am hard on the outside I don’t give them the chance, and there is that 9-5 rule that i have.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the people that are in my life, whether braggarts, colleagues, exhausting, acquaintances or true friends. You have made my life richer, more complete, and sometimes even help me get out of bed.

For this I thank you all!!!!

Dull Week

2005-04-07T13:14:00.000-04:00

It has been a pretty dull week. Pretty busy at work… Finally they are giving me more responsibilities. My old boss and I did not get along to well so through some reliable sources here (JM) I learnt that when my company got bought out… that I was in danger of loosing my job, Well I have not… and slowly I am breaking down the barriers that where put into place by the jackass that I used to report to. So this is a good thing. What to talk about this week…

Another person was Racially profiled. Big surprise there. The best part is that this guy got shot… almost died. And yet he will not tell the police anything… you know what when that happens I think that the guy that was shot should be charged with obstructing justice. Put that Mo-Fo in jail and watch the birdie start to sing.

Went out to dinner with some friends on Friday.. Had a great time, other then the fact that because some people decided to invite themselves, the reservation changed and suddenly we could not get a table at our first choice. That pisses me off. The best part is after waiting for 45 min. On top of the 30 min that I called in advance to get a table. We decided to leave. We called the self invitees to let them know… and guess what… they where eating dinner somewhere else.. assholes… did not even have the decency to let us know… we could have gotten a table at choice # 1. Needless to say that this restaurant in Oakville is on Boycott. Not the chain, cuz I have had some good success in Burlington with the same chain.

The Pope died.

Like I said nothing exciting in my life this week… The weekend is supposed to be nice… So lets see what that brings us.

Cheers and have a good week.

Its about time that we did something!!!

2005-03-31T14:39:00.000-05:00

National Post

Ramblin's

2005-03-31T12:00:00.001-05:00

Well its Thursday again and people have been bugging me to update my blog. Well I figure that since the title of my blog page is ‘Deep Thoughts for a Thursday’ that this will give me the opportunity to work up a good head of steam for each week. Some people commented that they enjoyed blog #1. Well I am glad. I guess that the idea of a good blog is the ability to express your feelings for others to read and share.

Well in the last week I have had the opportunity to read other blogs. Pressing the Next Blog button can take you to some interesting blogs. What I have noticed is that a lot of other people use this forum as almost a public diary. Which is great. And sometimes fun, and sometimes disturbing.

So where do I go from here. Well I could continue with things that piss me off. To be honest with you… it has been a pretty uneventful week. Not too much has got me going. Okay… I will not leave it like that. So what # am I up to now… looks like # 6.

6: People that use their blog space for advertisements.. Come on now… are we not all inundated enough with pop up adds, spam, tv, radio. You have to use your space URL’s that will link me to the worlds best herbal Viagra. Piss off my willy works just fine. I just need a place to put it.

6a: 6a you ask… well this is still on the same lines of the unwanted advertising. I got a page on my cell phone…. Thought hey how exciting somebody has paged me and wants me to call them… so I open my phone and read the msg. and it was SPAM… how the hell do they spam my cell phone. Not only do I have to pay for incoming page’s…but this was unwanted. Is there no peace. I don’t want your crap… piss off and leave me alone.

Okay…. This blog was not supposed to be about shit that pisses me off… but I'm on a roll now.

7: Telemarketers. OMG I know that this is a job for a lot of people (see #3) but my god.. in the last week the same number has called me gotta be 8-9 times. The info on the caller ID says long distance… and the number starts with a 519 or an 866. They call at all hours… they call during the day… they call during dinner… they call while I am sleeping. There has to be a way to stop these people. The fact that you have called me 45 times.. and there has been no answer… get the hint.

Okay that’s enough anger for this week.. As for some happy thoughts… Last night was my wife’s 30th. Her best friend and I have been planning this for almost a month. Nothing super spectacular.. just dinner with some friends and family. What she did not know is that there where almost 35 people there… needles to say she was happy and relieved. Relived you ask.. yes.. for the last month I have not said anything to her about her birthday.. been really downplaying the fact that nothing was going on. And the best part is that nobody spilled the beans…And as much as her best friend, her mother and my mother fuelled the fire and cause me great grief I think that it was worth it.

So on Wednesday morning all hell broke loose. The water works started… and for all reports, continued throughout the day. Got even better when one of our friends sent out an e-mail informing us of his birthday festivities on Saturday. She just lost it. All I did for my wife up to the point of showing up at the restaurant was get her a bottle of champagne and some flowers… She was sooo pissed off at me. I felt so bad… I wanted to break down and tell her what we have planed for her… but the surprise was worth not telling her. You have no idea the angst that I felt, when she started crying… sure that I had fucked up again. That’s right I said again.

Fuck up # 1 happened about 3 years ago when her birthday came and I told her flat out that birthdays are not a big deal, she seemed okay with that… until two days later I informed her that we had to go out on the weekend because it was so and so’s birthday. As soon as the words where rolling off my lips I knew that I was f’d. To this day I hear about it. So for the guys that are reading this… remember… birthdays may not be a big deal for you… but every occasion for a woman is a big deal… Trust me when I tell you… when they say … I don’t want anything for Christmas… they do not mean it!!!!

Well that’s my blog for another Thursday. Enjoy.

Deep Thoughts.

2005-03-24T12:11:00.000-05:00

So... My friend Linda wants me to start a blog... Well here it is.. She gives me way to much credit (I do thank her for that.) when it comes to me having deep thoughts... I think it has something to do with the fact that i have Testicles Really limits my ability to express my feelings. So where do i begin. Well lets start today off with things that piss me off.

1: Yesterday on the polish radio station, there where having a fundraising drive to build a new church in Bramastan. Between 7am and 10 am they had raised over 50k. You know what there are people that are homeless, woman that are abused, kids going hungry. And there is no money for that. but they can raise over 50k for a freaking church. I have a question... What has god done for you lately. Don’t get me wrong.. I believe in a higher power, but people really need to start getting there priorities strait. Does me not going to church make me a bad person, does sometimes looking out for my family and friends first make me a bad person, does stepping over the bum on the street and not giving him my last 2$ in my pocket till pay day make me a bad person, does flipping the bird to the little old lady doing 75kph in the middle lane make me a bad person. Well if it does... so be it... I have a plan. DEATH BED REPENTANCE. That’s right. Every religion believes that all will be forgiven if you ask god (Who ever that might be) for forgiveness. Well that’s my plan. I am going to continue being an ass... till the 11th hour!!!!

2: Roll up the rim. 1 in 9 odds of winning. My ass. I drink two coffees a day from Tim Horton’s and since the roll up the rim has began i have one 2 donuts and 1 coffee. Is that right... You know who wins... the god damn woman that never drinks coffee, but because Tim Horton’s is having a promotion, well she buys a medium coffee and wins the f'n truck... come on now!!!

3: Visible minorities. That’s right. I said it. You know why they piss me off. Well lets start with the latest minorities battle cry (Racial Profiling) Get over yourselves. Your not being profiled. You all just idiots. If your being profiled against. Why every time that I turn on the news and hear that there has been another murder, rape, or robbery does the description of the individual always start with…. Male Black 25- 35 years old. It has nothing to do with racial profiling. It’s the fact that you are committing murders. Rapes and robberies. And if I hear that you are not getting a fare shot… then you know what, get back on the boat, go back to the mother land and see how well you make out there. You came to my country for a reason, for a better life. Then get off your ass, off the system and get a job. You know what… you can make more working at McDonalds for minimum wage working 40 hours a week then you can off welfare. But you don’t.. why… because it is easer to sit back, watch Ricky lake and collect a cheque then working… we all know it. Don’t try to bull shit me. I read an article in the paper yesterday that stated that by the year 2017 there will be more visible minorities in Vancouver then Canadians. So in 2017 wait for my new battle cry… I have 12 years to work on it… but trust me it will be a good one. Bottom line. Had I know how much trouble you would have been, well I would have picked the cotton myself.

4: Canada Customs. You know why Canada Customs pisses me off. Because when I travel for business and I have to stand in line to get back into my own country it gets me going. And when I finally get to the wicket and I am confronted with a person, and judging by their language skills and appearance they where not born in Canada. You know what I really don’t have a problem with that, at least they are working (see # 3). But what gets me the most is the fact that I have this person, who has trouble with the English language can determine if I can return to the country that I was born in. So.. I have to be polite, I have to answer all the question that they have for me… and still sometimes they give me a hard time. Nothing pisses me off more the that. All I want to do is come home, back to a country that I love. I have just spent who knows how many hours on a plane, where other than the flight attendants I am the only white person on the plane, and your giving me a hard time… about coming back into MY COUNTRY. Piss of and get back on the boat.

5: George bush. You know why… well last night I was watching the news. And now George wants Canada to allow the Tax free trade on energy and fuel, because the Americans finally realise that they rely to much on fuel from the middle east. (for Christ sake what gave you that idea, the fact that OPEC controls the price of gas. And the war in the middle east has taken 3 years longer the expected dumbass) Its not the fact that George wants free trade on fuel and such… but the fact that when Mr. Martin asks to reopen the borders to Canadian Cattle, or wants the softwood lumber issue resolved (Not to mention that the NAFTA guys are holding billions of Canadian Dollars in trust till this issue gets resolved) George just brushes us off like we are not worth the time. You know what… Piss of George.. pay to much for gas. Import beef from somewhere else and let me have stem cell research you bible thumping, left wing, draft dodger.

And that’s just the beginning. I have not even read the paper today!!!!

Cheers. And lets see what Tuesday has to bring… cuz I'm taking Monday off.